Like usually, when I'm in a tired mood, I feel like I need a break.... actually, I just lied. Usually when I'm in a tired mood, I'd not want to be alive, actually...
I always get that tired feeling on Friday afternoons... only to quickly realised three seconds later that I have work, followed by a short period of time where I spend doing things that I need to but aren't so important like school, work, the same, work... and then school rolls by yet again. This is another part of when I said that I hate restrictions. To realise that school was over for the week, only to realise that there's more work to be done, then the same circle breaks out yet again with no real break. Having this knowledge in my mind almost 24/7 makes me somewhat tired...
It grinds my motivation to study to nil... and music theory/class is sounding more complicated day by day. My brain is going to burst.
...But eventually, I'll get out of my tired mood. But then enter it once again, only to realise that there'll never be a break, once again.
Two assignments due this Friday, then a test next week... it's actually not a lot, and I'm glad that I finally get work to do since I've been complaining about the school/curriculum and all... which, of course, remind me of my own stupidity, incompetence and laziness. If I keep on complaining on how their are none, why aren't I doing now that there's one?
Well, I know the reason of course. The reason that I wanted work was the same reason that I'm not doing any. I hate the fact that we barely get any homework, and it makes me feel so ultra ultra ultra stupid and possibly ultra lucky, yet unlucky somehow...
However although I feel the above, I still feel like I'm not doing enough. There's too much free time. Too less work. Too much happiness, too much ease, too much of everything good.
I hate myself once again for feeling tired when I'm not even doing that much. Some people work ten times harder than me, and they're not complaining.
I've got it easy, I have to keep reminding myself time and time again...
I didn't believe my friend when she said that I'm "already doing so much" when I said that I wanted to get a second job... I didn't believe my friend(s) when they'd reckon that I "am too hard on myself"... back then I'd said "I have to be hard on myself, because then who else will?", seeing that my parents let me do whatever I like. (They're too nice, goddamnit. Oh wait, actually, it's because they're busy working putting food on the table~)
But the truth was that I didn't really believe them. I didn't think that I was "too hard on myself". I'm barely "hard on myself", actually... what does "hard on yourself" really means, anyway?
I think I'm extremely slack. That's why I'm blogging and not doing my assignment that's due on Friday. =*= That's why I'm not studying everyday. That's why I can't ever be good at anything. That's why I keep on handing in my Japanese homework late. That's why I keep on able to complain about things. That's why I'm not working everyday. That's partly why I hate myself so friggin' much... =*=
I always get that tired feeling on Friday afternoons... only to quickly realised three seconds later that I have work, followed by a short period of time where I spend doing things that I need to but aren't so important like school, work, the same, work... and then school rolls by yet again. This is another part of when I said that I hate restrictions. To realise that school was over for the week, only to realise that there's more work to be done, then the same circle breaks out yet again with no real break. Having this knowledge in my mind almost 24/7 makes me somewhat tired...
It grinds my motivation to study to nil... and music theory/class is sounding more complicated day by day. My brain is going to burst.
...But eventually, I'll get out of my tired mood. But then enter it once again, only to realise that there'll never be a break, once again.
Two assignments due this Friday, then a test next week... it's actually not a lot, and I'm glad that I finally get work to do since I've been complaining about the school/curriculum and all... which, of course, remind me of my own stupidity, incompetence and laziness. If I keep on complaining on how their are none, why aren't I doing now that there's one?
Well, I know the reason of course. The reason that I wanted work was the same reason that I'm not doing any. I hate the fact that we barely get any homework, and it makes me feel so ultra ultra ultra stupid and possibly ultra lucky, yet unlucky somehow...
However although I feel the above, I still feel like I'm not doing enough. There's too much free time. Too less work. Too much happiness, too much ease, too much of everything good.
I hate myself once again for feeling tired when I'm not even doing that much. Some people work ten times harder than me, and they're not complaining.
I've got it easy, I have to keep reminding myself time and time again...
I didn't believe my friend when she said that I'm "already doing so much" when I said that I wanted to get a second job... I didn't believe my friend(s) when they'd reckon that I "am too hard on myself"... back then I'd said "I have to be hard on myself, because then who else will?", seeing that my parents let me do whatever I like. (They're too nice, goddamnit. Oh wait, actually, it's because they're busy working putting food on the table~)
But the truth was that I didn't really believe them. I didn't think that I was "too hard on myself". I'm barely "hard on myself", actually... what does "hard on yourself" really means, anyway?
I think I'm extremely slack. That's why I'm blogging and not doing my assignment that's due on Friday. =*= That's why I'm not studying everyday. That's why I can't ever be good at anything. That's why I keep on handing in my Japanese homework late. That's why I keep on able to complain about things. That's why I'm not working everyday. That's partly why I hate myself so friggin' much... =*=
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