Today, Afternoon. ;)

I woke up this morning feeling strange.
One possible - very probably - scenario immediately popped into my head: sick?

I woke up a little earlier than usual, but then went back to sleep... and woke up at the normal time. I moved around, discovering that my muscles felt strangely heavy and slow, and were aching slightly. After a few more seconds I realised that my nose wasn't blocked, but blocked at the same time - blocked but breathable, thus how I didn't noticed the blockade at first moment of consciousness.
I blew my nose. I could tell right away that I was sick at that point... I wouldn't really want to tell how, but let's just say it was colour-related. :/

Like usual on the weekends, I got out of the room and went downstairs to grab my breakfast-lunch-dinner. :3
After I finished preparing, I brought it upstairs and began eating. After that, I wondered what to do for a few minutes. My schedule says that it's Watching Anime time, but there are other things that I have to do. I'd borrowed my friend's Music Book yesterday so that I can copy out everything that she'd written down for last Semester. That certainly won't be finished in a few minutes - I even skipped dinner yesterday for this. :O Although it didn't really make much difference though, I wasn't that hungry anyway...
So I got down to continue the copying. I feel sort of dazed - maybe it's the sickness... or whatever. My forehead is also warm, but not hot, so it's probably not too bad. As I continued writing, I found myself drifting.
Me: "I should be resting. I'm sick."
Other me: "What are you saying? You have to return this book tonight, so you have to finish copying this by afternoon."
Me: "But the sick are excused... they have reasons!"
Other me: "Nonsense. You don't have to sleep. Besides, the only thing moving right now are your hands. Other parts of your body are resting."
Me: "Hm. True that. But I have work tonight. I should rest for it, too..."
Other me: "Shut up. You have to finish copying this."
Me: "Alright... and I can't take a day-off either."
Other me: "You can if you really want to."
Me: "I don't mean it like that. I can't because I simply will not. Who cares if I'm dropping dead?"
Other me: "True that."
Me: "Why am I sick anyway? It wasn't even cold last night."
Other me: "Good question."
Me: "...hm... and last night I had a terribly runny nose... why is that? I didn't really run into a puff of smoke or a pile of dust anywhere for me to catch hayfever."
Other me: "Maybe your whatever-sickness now is because of yesterday's rain."
Me: "Oh yes! The rain!! :O Genius!"
Other me: "Stupid!"
Me: *accepts the insult readily* "Alright then, I'm going to continue writing now."
Other me: "Good."
Me: "But you know, if I don't rest it could get worse."
Other me: "Then make it not get worse."
Me: "...hmm... I will try to find a way, ahaha."
Other me: "You are the master of your own body and a master of your own life, no?"
Me: "Certainly. :) I guess I'll just think that it won't get worse and ignore this ever existed then it'll just go away, lol. And I'll probably feel better after a shower anyway."
Other me: "Although I doubt that it would truly work, go ahead."
Me: "Okay, I'll continue writing now."
Other me: "You're so stupid. Why do you keep getting off-track? And it's a conversation with yourself, no less! Outrageous!"
Me: "I know. =*=" Then I hopped on to write this before the Conversation with Myself flows out of my memory completely. ^^

Ohh, I'm so lucky!
I rarely get terrible sickness. :)
At the moment I only have a blocked + runny nose (it's so weird that I have both at the same time ==") and I just feel dazed and strangely tired. My muscles are just very slightly aching and they feel slightly heavy. And you know that dazed, heavy feeling where you feel like if you stand up you're going to fall over? I have that, but it's slight, too! XD
See, not much able to stop me from working!!

Well, there's still 12 or so A4 pages for me to copy, so I will now return. ^O^

Yes, That's Right, I Have More to Say...

I was on this website that is "preventing people from committing suicide". It's this site, btw.

This was what it said:

"Painful conditions always pass, both mental and physical. Life always changes, and better times will come back inevitably. Do not decide to harm yourself for a problem that will pass. Please do not make major decisions about your life when you are depressed, or have taken alcohol or drugs."

I laughed.
What caused me stress n depression is life itself. Can't escape from that unless I commit suicide, now, right? xP

This page of that website offended me quite a bit. =*=
It also annoyed me a little once I imagine someone really doing that to me... :/
Okay.... maybe I shouldn't have read that page..... it's a bit....hmm...

And okay, I just got more offended reading this page. =.="

Hmm... I really don't want to go "I can't believe I want to die" because I'm actually really proud, so I will not try to deprive myself from Depression. >.> I don't want to do what it says simply because the site offends me and I just want to prove it wrong. x)
Okay, I've got a reason to be Depressed forever now. :P
Ahahahahaha.
^Just so you know, I was quite serious.........

I also read those:
Teenage Depression (although I hate being grouped as a teenager... :/)

Okay... there's only one more, but "those" sounds nice so I'm not going to change it. ==

Ja na,
Mage-chan yori~

This Random Passage on the Internet Just Ordered me to do Something...

LOL, the post title is quite random sounding. :P

But this is another Depression-filled post, mind you. x)

I went on a little Wiki Walk with this starting word: Depression.

That certain passage just freakin' told me that I need to get help, or whatever...

Now I'm re-thinking things.
What is it that I really want?
To die, to disappear, to not live, or to deprive myself of Depression?
Hmm.... :/ A hard question, that one.

Err... I... am too stubborn to try and get rid of Depression, to be honest. I don't know why, maybe it's because I think illnesses are cool? :x
As they say, Television is Trying to Kill Us.

And I really really really really REALLY don't want to be deprived of Depression... then to look back on my life and see how stupid I was to sink into despair when there really wasn't any reason for me to. :/
Actually, I think if I try I would be able to get rid of this, since I know all about myself and all... =*=
See, I even know that what I'm thinking is stupid.
Oh wait, or do I?
Yaaahhhhh~ Yada yada yada~
The human brain. What a hard thing to understand. Even a human brain isn't advance enough to understand itself. ==
Hmm... I think my view on life is correct...
Um... oh, yes, it's because I know that optimism is a good way to live life, and I can understand other people's point of views...
...this is really complicated. =.,=
Oh, that's right...! I want to commit suicide, but I also know that it's not the right thing to do - this known fact is also one of the things stopping me from doing so, mind you. So... I know that me wanting to commit suicide is stupid, but I really want to do it!!
Yaaaahhh~ :D
Depression is so annoying, yet I like how it makes me feel... I don't know...
...I love my I view the world; I think it's right, but I just don't like how I'm acting... that's right! That's it! I don't like what I'm doing and what I'm not doing.
I hate how unmotivated, lazy, stupid, and passive I am.
...but my thoughts controls my actions. =="

Y'know, all of this is so troublesome and bothersome and tiring that I just "want everything to end already". :3

NO, I don't want to exercise.
I don't want to do anything anymore.

I want everything to effin' end.

....
Why do I keep repeating myself, damn it? ==
I'd better come up with some new things to rant on about next time so that I can keep you  readers entertained.
Then again, you guys aren't like my stories readers... I don't feel obligated to keep updating because I feel that I can make people happy with my product...
Maybe it's because there aren't many readers, and barely any comments, while I get at least one review in 3-5 months with Four Leaf Clover?
Or is it the content?
...most likely all of the above. :/

So then, so long,
From,
Mage-chan~

MY Bad. I Don't Actually Want to Die...

I JUST WANT ALL OF THIS TO END ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think talking about this really isn't that good after all... :/
Another conversation with my friend concerning the topic of my life just occurred and my desire to end life just increased. ==

When I said that I just want all of this to end...
I don't really want to die, I just don't want to live. I don't want to feel, I don't want to work, I don't want to do anything.
...Did I mention that Depression is a serious mental illness?
Is this above thinking because of my Depression? :/
Hmm... can't tell... although I did say that pessimism and depression are two different things...

I've been wondering, you see, one of my friends, Em-chan, said that she once helped one of her friends overcome Depression when they were in Grade 8.
I don't know how the friend got Depression, but I don't really think mine is that easy to cure because the cause...

The cause of my Depression is quite vague, but I guess I'd just pin it down by saying that the reason for it was life itself. How ever I cannot escape that... of course, unless I commit suicide. :P

Do you understand my words, or rather, my senseless rants, more now? Or maybe you understood from the start?

I hate it so much, that I want to run away.
Of course I could instead choose to fight against it, but I'd still be in it, wouldn't I? I can't escape life, unless I choose death. :3
Or a coma. xP
On the brink between life and death, however I won't be involved in either. Paradise. xD
However then my parents will have to pay for the hospital fees...
No matter what I do, I'll trouble them, eh? Well, not "trouble", but they'll end up needing to do something for me no matter what I do. Or even if I don't do anything at all.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

JUST END ALREADY!!!
I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO END!!! EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!
INCLUDING LIFE!!!

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

If not, deprive me of Depression then make me win a lottery that'll make me a billionaire!!
Maybe then I'd want to live. :3

However the chance of me winning lotteries and becoming a billionaire is quite non-existent.

Just Thinking About the Future Makes me Want to Commit Suicide

Today my friend told me that she now know what she wants to do for work experience.

=*=
Oh crap. Now that she's mentioned those two cursed words "work experience", I've entered a state of depression... and am in no mood to finish off my English assignment.
Which, ultimately, is due tomorrow. :/
Damnnnn itttt.

Work Experience is a part of our Work Education class. At our school, in Grade 10, you're forced into doing a subject called Work Education. To be short, you learn how to live... just stuff about resumes, job interviews, financial debt, credit cards, interests, etc...

With me being in Grade 10, I have to do it too.

Work Experience happens in the last week of school. You go and work somewhere to get the experience.

I mentioned once to my friend that I really hate Work Education.
They agreed and said that it was boring.
Then I continued and said that I really, really don't want to do Work Experience.
They disagreed and said that they wanted to do Work Experience and that they're looking forward to it. Apparently, it was the only thing they liked about Work Education, too.
With a start, I found out that other people are looking forward to it. :/ Yes, I kept that in mind from then on and didn't say anything else.
Because the very reason I hate Work Experience is the same as the reason for my Depression, and since I didn't really want to yell to the school that I have Depression, I made sure not to mention that too often and definitely not to teachers.
I didn't really mind the class stuff that my friends thought were boring, but Work Experience fills me with a sense of dread, hopelessness, despair and... depression? :/
I... really don't have the courage to do such things. Work Experience, I mean. I don't have the courage to do anything...
No. This is a little too complicated to explain. == Yes, too complicated, indeed. So I will not explain my reasoning and these senseless craps called feelings and emotions.

Just being reminded of the words "work experience" put me into another State of Depression. :/ But it was good too, since it helped brought me back into the real world.
Lately I've been busy doing schoolwork and am just reading manga and watching anime without thinking any depressive stuff... however that also means that I wasn't thinking at all. Not thinking about my own life and the future at all. And now I've been snapped back to reality, that one day I'll have to do Work Experience.
It feels very much like the time I lost my USB. :)
Yes, that's right. Feels exactly like that, except the situation is different.
The despair is the same. It's just that with the USB, I dreaded that I really will lose it for real, but with this, I can be sure that it really will happen. It's worse than the time I lost my USB, because it's definite. Yet for some reason I am hanging onto a pointless thread of hope that I won't have to do it. Would they let me off if I tell them that I have Depression? 8D ...But what if they say that "everything must do it"? Something like Depression won't give me a leeway in life, after all. Yeah, no chance.
I was so irritated and "other stuff" that I punched the ground. Although I guess I wasn't that irritated since I didn't do it to full force and I actually put my jacket down on the ground first so that it didn't hurt too much. =="
Next time I should do it seriously, with bleeding and all. It may bring me to my senses a little.
I should just get on with life and try to live for the future. :/
Although I really hate the future...

Aah... it's a bit hard to tell whether what I'm thinking is pessimism or depression. :/
Those are two totally different things after all.

Once my friend had said, "I really wish that one day something big would happen to you and then you become all happy and..." etc..........
Let me tell you that she knows that I have Depression.
However I don't think she really understands. I... don't think she understand at all, actually. :/ She may, but she just gives me the impression that she doesn't. So who knows?
The above is a mixture of pessimism and depression, with depression being around 85%. This post is 100% depression. Actually, now that I think more about it... the above might as well be 100% depression...
Pessimistic people wouldn't want to die. :/ They probably don't think that they're a failure and that the future is hopeless and that life isn't worth living either. Well, maybe they'd think the last one, but, the point is, pessimism is not depression.

Depression, dear readers, is an illness. A serious illness, at that. It's just a mental one.
After all, many die from it each year. :3
I hope one day I'll be one of those peopl...
Naah, I want to die, painlessly please, without committing suicide. But I don't think that will happen. We can't really choose our own death after all. Unless we commit suicide. xD
And one day I'll... probably be cured from that illness... although at the moment I can't really imagine myself not wanting to die because I really want to.
For example, it's like saying that someone who's obsessed with manga and anime will one day not like it anymore. Not that they'd "overcome their obsession", but to not like it anymore. Can you imagine that? :/

Now, let's pray that I either get shot in the head or gets involved in a terrorist attack by running full-blown into a bomb and dying straight away tomorrow. Or any other method of quick, painless death would be fine, too. :)
Thank you~

Dysthymia? Depression? Which one?

Was something that I'd been wondering for quite a while.
Except that my mood has been good lately because I've been occupied with exams and assignments, plus my duties as an Executive Committee member at school. :3
Didn't really allowed me to have any depressing time, but it definitely did not stopped me from wanting to die and thinking that I'm a total failure. ;)

Dysthymia is like Major Depressive Disorder, except with milder symptoms but they'd last for at least 2 years.
I've been wondering whether I have Dysthymia or Major Depressive Disorder for while, but then I read this,

"Dysthymic Disorder is a chronic condition characterized by depressive symptoms that occur for most of the day, more days than not, for at least 2 years. In children, the mood may be irritable rather than depressed, and the required minimum duration is only 1 year. During this 2-year period (1 year for children or adolescents), any symptom-free interval can not last longer than 2 months. By definition, this diagnosis is not made if there are any Hypomanic, Manic or Mixed Episodes. This disorder's depressive symptoms are not due to a medical condition, medication, illegal drug, or Psychotic Disorder. In the first 2 years of this disorder, if the depressive symptoms intensify to meet the full criteria for a Major Depressive Episode; the diagnosis would be changed to Major Depressive Disorder. It is common for an individual to have 2 or more years of Dysthymic Disorder, then later develop a Major Depressive Episode. In such cases ("double depression"), both Major Depressive Disorder and Dysthymic Disorder are diagnosed. Once the Major Depressive Episode disappears, but the dysthymic symptoms persist, only Dysthymic Disorder is diagnosed." 

And I think that I got Dysthymia when I was in Grade 8, then in Grade 10, which is now, I've developed Major Depressive Disorder. :3

I was also thinking, maybe I should be proud of myself.
Suffering from Moderate Depression, yet I haven't done anything drastic yet. ^^ Or maybe it's that not many who are suffering from the "Moderate" level doesn't usually do drastic things? Maybe you'd have to be at least "Severe" first?
Although I was sure I was near that level on my birthday. It'd have been cool if I'd died on my birthday. 8D Oh well, there's always next year...
That aside, they say that most people with Dysthymia are usually suffering from other health problems such as substance abuse, drug addictions or anxiety.
And I have absolutely no intentions of getting the health problems below either,

"Comorbidity:
In adults, this disorder is associated with an increased risk of having Major Depressive Disorder and Substance-Related Disorders. In children, this disorder is associated with an increased risk of having Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Anxiety Disorders, Learning Disorders, and Mental Retardation."


Look, it has Mental Retardation listed. :/
I refused to get any of the above, except for maybe the Mental Retardation one? Naah, that'll just trouble my parents too much. I said that I didn't mind is because if I become retarded, I wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore since I wouldn't understand anything anyways. Aaah... the life of not having to live.

...I sort of want to relief myself from Depression, but doesn't want to at the same time. :/
(Or rather, I don't want to feel anything at all. Killl mee noowww.)
I fear that I would see the world differently once I no longer have Depression. Yes, it's a scary thought. To see everything in a positive light, not caring, just trudging life anyway pointlessly without a care in the world... no insurance on oneself whatsoever because you just think that everything is oh-so-great and that life is oh-so-good....
But noooooooooooo, if you think that life really works like that, then I officially have the permission to call you a thoughtless idiot. Even optimistic bastard, at that.
I have nothing to complain about how I'm thinking, I just don't like the muddy, wet, cloudy, foggy, and... heavy feeling that comes with it, that's all. I don't like how I get tired easily, either. It gets in the way of working. And the lose of concentration and difficulties to make decisions. This is the worse one. T^T In the first place I absolutely despise the future, and there are thousands of choices I have to make, very much so concerning this "future"... which in turn, I am unable to make, or I am, but it leaves a weird, unfinished feeling behind...
Aah... I hate life so much...

Of course, you wouldn't understand, unless you've suffered from a form of depression or mental disorder yourself. ^^
No, you seriously wouldn't unless you've experienced it yourself, even if you 'think' you do. :/
It's sad, but true. == Well, actually, it's not sad, but nevertheless... It's a feeling you can only get if you experience it first-hand. :/

Oh, the despair...
It's pretty amazing, really.

References:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001916/ 

http://www.allaboutdepression.com/dia_04.html 

http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis/p20-md04.html 

Apparently, Pessimism Leads to Depression x)

Because of the conversation that happened on the comments of this post, I googled "pessimism". :P

I wanted to read its "meaning", as per dictionary... very interesting, indeed. ><

I ended up doing a short Wiki Walk on Wikipedia. And Wikipedia being Wikipedia and not TV Tropes, it was short.
Anyway, I read this page then decided to google Beck Depression Inventory.

I tested myself on the Beck Depression Inventory, which measures your level of depression.
8D I was very tempted. And it was very fun... well, it was something to pass the time pretty well. O.o

You should try it. Here. x)

So what did I get?
...My first try doing it, I got 31!! 8DDD
=*=
Yes. It's nothing to be happy about... of cooouuuurseee...
Apparently I'm suffering from Severe Depression. ><
(Sorry, I'm feeling really high and excited writing about this, for some mysterious, unknown reason xP)

I did the test a second time, this time trying to be as accurate as possible, even going "0.5" on ones that I wasn't sure of: "it's either 0 or 1... 0 or 1.... 0 or 1? Let's go 0.5! xD That'll be the most accurate."
Anyway, on my second try I got 23.
Now I have Moderate Depression. :P
And apparently I should seek medical assistance if I get higher than 17. But no way in hell am I going to do that. Cause then I'd have to tell my mum about all this crap. Not good, not good. =w=
........oops. So.. I guess it's not a very good idea to announce my score to the world? ><
Meh. Who cares. ==

However, I did the "second time" today, while I did the "first time" yesterday.

Yesterday, I was evidently pissed off/irritated/depressed way more so than today. (not sure if my friends noticed, though. ==)
Why?
Because after scoring a "31 - You are suffering from Severe Depression" on the Beck Depression Inventory, I decided that it is not good for my mental health.
So I decided to not think about the future, life, living, or anything depressing during the day.
And I didn't.
And I was pretty happy... I think. =*=
I also went a bit crazy here and there and became extra talkative for the sake of it, totally going out of my usual "thoughtful, comtemplating, why-the-hell-am-I-making-myself-depressed-by-thinking-about-this" mode.

It was all so damn hell tiring.


...........Oh, but wait. Getting tired easily seems to be a symptom of depression. ><
(...This is all so cool, yet not cool at the same time...)

However, I think I'm more "Moderate" rather than "Severe", according to the Beck Depression Inventory which I will now be shortening it to BDI for convenience.
Since the score that managed to mark me as "Suffering from Severe Depression" was just one point into that scale. Meaning, just one point less and I'd have had "Moderate Depression", not "Severe Depression". ==

So let's cut out the "Severe Depression" possibility....


After "not thinking depressingly and stuff" for the day, I felt much better in terms of mental health.

But the point is, "can I think like that for the rest of my life?"
Definitely impossible.
I don't even want to think like that. It's just such a stupid and thoughtless way to live. =*=

This world is not an easy place to live in - take all the homeless, jobless and poor people in the world as an example.
If you don't plan ahead, your future could end in peril.
...then again, even if you plan ahead, it doesn't mean your future won't be in peril.
Plus - who to say that your parents won't lose their jobs while you still haven't found yours? And do you really think you will, with millions and millions of jobless people currently in the world? If your parents lose their jobs, they'd lose their source of income. And if you don't have a job, your whole family won't have a source of income.
Although it's different in Australia because the government looks after you too well. But then the tax would need to go up and you'll end up putting other people in trouble because they struggle to keep themselves fed while paying off heavy taxes. =*=
And while you don't have a source of income, don't have a job, what happens?
This is what "pessimism" is, btw. Looking at the world in a logically, albeit negative, way.
Look at the current news headlines - just how many people have lost their jobs in the past few weeks? Thousands. Toyota, Alcoa, Qantas. They sack their workers in hundred digits.
Plus, even if you manage to get a job, you can't always be certain that it's stable, unless you work for the government (but government workers get pay a little less... it's a salary, after all...). The business, especially small ones, can enter bankruptcy at any moment. And you wouldn't even know, being a mere employee.
And even if you work for the government, if you accidentally stuffed up, things could get bad. If you're fired in a government job once (teachers, police, firemen), it's usually hard for you to get another if you intend to stay in the same field of occupation.
So then that's not safe either.
Logically and technically speaking, nothing about life is safe. Even we who are still students aren't safe. If some sort of disaster befalls upon our school, we won't be able to attend it since it's destroyed (of course, we could always move to a different school. But moving to a different school in the middle of a phrase of schooling isn't that great of an idea). If the government ran out of money and can't pay the teachers (very unlikely), then the teachers are in trouble. If the teachers doesn't die first, then we'd probably still get taught, but that's unknown.
And health issues. If we fall sick and has to leave work for a while, there's a chance that we'll get fired from being absent for too long. And there's a high chance of falling sick if you need to work hard for the sake of keeping your family fed; there's more chance to fail.

Is life really worth going through all those insecurities and difficulties for? Not to mention the ones I didn't mention?
What can you, us, I, achieve just from being alive?
Nothing, unless you're someone like Thomas Edison or Newton. Then you can probably achieve things and make changes. Big changes.
But are you one? Most probably not.
...Or if you're some kind of genius who's very good in a certain field and can, or will, become "the top"? If you are, then congratulations. Your life looks a lot brighter than mine.

I'm none of either. I'm a stupid person, and I do try hard in school, even if I lack motivation to do so - I know that I must. Otherwise it would just very simply make my future looks even dimmer than it does already. :/
Even if my friends always deny my stupidity and insists that I am smart, that is not actually true. Or it could be true, if you're talking about simple Mathematics. But what I have can't be used in real life to an effective level. Unless I become a teacher, but I have no reason of doing so because I hate that job (also, my memory doesn't support that job. It is simply terrible. I've already forgotten everything I learnt last year and the year before - although that's quite normal, I don't think I'll be able to remember all those formulas at the same time even if I tried. Maybe.)

I have no hopes for the future and I definitely don't think it will improve. < Now that was "depression", not pessimism.

...

Okayyyyyyyy. I will stop now.

For some reason, today I'm not going on about how depressed I am but instead went into a "let's-slam-this-thinking-into-others" mode.
But actually, in all honesty, I don't want others to think the same as me. Optimism can bring good things too. Besides, most people like that trait in people. You'll get jobs easier that way. ^^ Plus, it makes me unique. :P

Did you know that "pessimism" is not just "thinking about every effing thing in a negative way", but more like viewing things in a non-biased light and viewing the world in the way it actually is, when they're not influenced my optimism? Although it also depends on the person too.
After I found this out I was like "ohhhhhhhh hoh." x)
After knowing that I just somehow went on a rant about how I view the future and the world and stuff. :P
Probably because I was told that my thinking could be the right way and everyone else could be overinfluenced by optimism, psychologically speaking.
(I've taken a very high interest in psychology now... maybe I should check the uni course about it out sometimes... ><)


Peronsally, I don't only hate the world but is also effing scared of the future. (I was sure I said something like me being a cowardly person on another post.)
It's unknown, riskful, unstable, unpredictable, tiring, and many more negative things.
Maybe the only thing I can look forward to is the time when I'll be deprived of all responsibilities. :)
...Namely my death, for those who didn't quite get it. xP


I'm going to say this again: I don't really have the intentions of making you think pessimistically.
Simply because being optimistic is usually a good thing. It makes you confidence and make you takes risks and opportunities that could make you very successful.

But it could also cloud your judgement.

The right way to think? :3

Be like Yagami Light. xP
Cautious in a harmless way (as in not over-cautious), think things through properly, be logical, understand the way of the human minds/psychology (like how he dealt with Misa and Takada), be cunning at appropriate times (against your enemies, not teammates), have leadership, voice your opinions openly (honesty), and take the opportunities once you have worked out the possibilities and think you have some percentage of gaining success.
(Wait, who am I to tell you all this? ...Ignore me if you wish.)
Just to make sure you don't end up like Yagami Light, just don't go commit crimes such as mass murder or go pissed off and challenge the best detective in the world.

^^
So then, so long.

The Intensity of Living is Too Heavyyy > A Blog Title that Makes You Wonder Why I'd Used it

For a certain reason, four days ago I woke up earlier than usual.

It was around 9am-ish.

The reason was because I was coughing non-stop. Badly.

Soon after my mum enters the room and gave me some medicine.
So I took them.

In the evening, my cough has decreased down to a point that no one might noticed that I'm not 98% well like usual (there's never a time when I'm 100% well, mind you), and no one (except my mum) did notice... I don't think. No one said anything about it, at least.

Although some people may have noted that I was speaking more quietly than usual and with less lines. And I was not as active, as well. I plunged around my workspace...

Next day was the same, although it was a little better.

No one said anything either, so I didn't say anything either. :/

The next day I went down to Brisbane (and I had to wake up earlier than usual... at 7.30am), and it was raining. Hard.

Going to Brisbane made me great psychologically, but physically...

As soon as we arrived back at the restaurant, I rushed over to the couch and went to sleep. xDDD

I then had to get up 30 minutes afterwards since I had to start work... although I floated around pointlessly for quite a while...

(After this the fact that one of my friends weren't working that day ruined my mood a little. I had some stuff to give to her. But since she wasn't there and I had nothing to drink I consumed one of the drinks I was going to give to her. Damn, it sucks.)

That night my friend invited me over to her house and also to the movies for this afternoon.

My mum was worried about my cold and the fact that I'll have to walk to her house.

The next morning I woke up with an unusually blocked nose. I spent 20 seconds trying to blow it out. It probably woke my mum up since 2 seconds later I had to swallow some pills. :/

10 seconds later I had to do it again.

So she went, "It's raining this morning as well... maybe you shouldn't go?"
And I like was, "HMmmm... HmMHmuhmfnmnkdlkdwfopr..."
And I went back to sleep...

And so this morning I sent this message to my friend;
Dear Whom it May Concern,
I would like to inform you that I will not be attending the gathering at xxxxx this morning because of personal reasons, although it is too late to say so. I apologise for this tardiness and wish you a happy day in today's GREAT weather (did I mention that it was raining?). I'd also like to say that my attendance of the movie is uncertain and I would like the Head of Preparations of this gathering to once again inform me of the exact times.
Regards,
Mahou Mage (I put my real name here, of course. And in initials, no less)

xPP