Piled. Many Unreasonable Fractiousness Ahead.

There are a couple of things that I want to complain about, yet I'm too lazy to actually write them out: my assignments and Crystal Saga are calling meee!!;

The following is a bunch of mini-posts all bashed into one, for anyone's convenience!! \(^_^)b

Contents:

1. The Dramaful Moments of it After the Party
2. MMORPGs: Dangerous Objects of Doom
3. The Cursed Dresses of Impending Thrash Moments Plus Hypocrisy
4. Alchemy User of All Metal - Hagane no Renkinjutsushi!
5. Day of Solar; Best Avoided, or Feel the Need to Cry Your Heart Out From the Pain
6. Numbers, Nothing, Formulas, Failure, Biology, Badddd, Music, More-Fail
7. Blurrrrrrrrr. Blur. Blur. Blurrrrrrr. Irritation, Just More Of the Same Thing Non-Stop
8. Am I Serious? Kill. Kill. Kill. Death. Death. Death.
9. Seriously, How Did Someone Like You Know? I'm So Shocked I'm Speechless.

1. The Dramaful Moments of it After the Party
I met one of the friends who went to the party approximately a day later, and I asked her how it was.
I was totally cool with it when she relayed to me how fun it was, but I was totally not cool with it when she said that "I should have totally come".
It pissed me off, because even now I still doubt that I should have gone. ==
But, well, that's already passed the "discuss" date. :)


2. MMORPGs: Dangerous Objects of Doom
Not necessary true, but I want to sue it for making me procrastinate my Science assignment.
It is also a danger to my eyesight, something which I treasure more than my life - being blinded would be my ultimate nightmare.
It's really important to me because the few things I love doing requires eyesight - yet because of that, I tend to overexert them by using them too much in not desirable situations (reading when there's not enough light, for example) for far too long... T^T
Besides, if I was blind, I wouldn't be able to commit suicide painlessly, right?
...The ultimate nightmare, indeed.


3. The Cursed Dresses of Impending Thrash Moments Plus Hypocrisy
As I have state before, I hate dresses. I hate wearing them, to be more specific. But I wore a dress today, and I was crying inside all day because of it. I wanted to die all over again [ugh, such a big deal I'm making this =="]
I arrived at work, and immediately one of my friends who was a waitress did the thing I was totally expecting and slightly dreading, "Ah! You're wearing a skirt - a dress - a whatever you're wearing. It's so pretty/cute!"
Me: "It's a dress."
Her: "...You're such a hypocrite, Mage-chan!"
Me: "No I'm not!" I immediately replied, immediately angered.
She gave me this, "are you serious" serious look, which pissed me off considerately. ==
Me: I corrected myself, "I mean, I am a hypocrite, but not in this case/instance! How am I a hypocrite? I said that I hate wearing dresses! Just because I'm wearing a dress doesn't mean I want to wear it!"
I was fuming lividly inside, but I tried to explain with calmness... I wonder how badly I'd failed.
Yes, that's right!! I'm not a hypocrite in that certain case.
I have always said that I hate dresses - but to be more specific, I hate, hate, hate, hate WEARING them. The look of them are fine. Just not when I'm wearing them. == So how am I being a hypocrite by wearing a dress? I was hating it to the bone! All through the day, at least 1/4 of my mind was occupied because I was bothered by the fact that I was wearing that cursed dress!! =*=

Earlier that morning, I came out of the shower. Usually if it's a weekend and I'm going somewhere, my mum organises my clothes for me while I'm in the bathroom (because I really have no idea where my clothes are located, and there are other reasons. Let's just say that's how it works.). That day it was no different.
I walked into the bedroom and I immediately screamed out loud as soon as I saw the cursed thing.
I was still screaming 10 seconds afterwards. At first my mum laughed at this, but soon she got annoyed and said, "Stop it! You won't die wearing this. It's not bad in the slightest (as in, the look)."
Me, in my thoughts: It may not be bad in your eyes or other people's, but I don't want to wear it, okayyyyy!!!!?
But I wore it anyway, after screaming my head off for almost 20 seconds (that's actually a really long time...)... T^T The work clothes that I... ugh... had been wearing for a week was being washed, so I really had no choice... DX And we were already running late, too. *Dammit, thinking about this makes me... want to die.*

I said to my friend once upon a time that the reason that I hate wearing dresses is because they're uncomfortable (that's one of the reasons, actually...).
She: "They don't need to be/Not necessary/Not always."
I doubt that from the bottom of my heart. It's like how some people aren't comfortable wearing skirts. They aren't comfortable wearing skirts, so they aren't. The shape or the look of it won't suddenly make it comfortable. Because it is still a skirt, goddammit!!!! ...I'm getting really mad just thinking about this. =="

But, oh, well, meh...


4. Alchemy User of All Metal - Hagane no Renkinjutsushi!
Finally, after 5-6 years of knowing of this certain series, I got down to reading it properly, from the start to, hopefully, finish.
Full-Metal Alchemist.
...Totally a classic.
I'm still only halfway through the manga, but ohhhhh myyyy gooddddd!!
It's... It's too good!
Roy is my favourite character! He's just too cool! XD *inserts fangirl squeal here*
Gluttony is also strangely cute, but sort of creepy... O.o
...and it's soooo good!!! ><
[I love seeing evil Salem. Watching a cute little boy killing masses is just too epic.]


5. Day of Solar; Best Avoided, or Feel the Need to Cry Your Heart Out From the Pain
I have now come to a resolution; that I hate Sundays.
Firstly, I have to start work one hour earlier than usual, because it's a certain-staff's day off, and I am to replace her. Secondly, sometimes I have to work at lunchtime, too, which means work all day. ==
The other reasons are stemmed from the same base. I always get uber annoyed when I come to work to find tables half-set. Some tables are missing a few forks here and there, some need wine glasses, some are missing a few plates... it probably wouldn't have annoyed me that much if it was missing in an orderly fashion, not totally randomly. Except that it's not.
However I should totally be used to this - I'd mentioned this only once before, so many wouldn't know, but my boss annoys the hell out of me - but only during work. She's a nice person - my aunty.
But her inability to properly run a restaurant and other such issues make me want to kill.
Out of all our staffs, she comes second in the "Who Makes the Most Mistakes" rankings. =*=
She always tell the customers the wait for takeaway for far too short, and sometimes the customers has to wait half an hour longer than they were told, take table reservations, but not writing them down, and putting walk-ins/new reservations on tables when we're freakin' full!
...
...Let's not talk about it. It's not killing me, but it's making me wanting to kill. ==

6. Numbers, Nothing, Formulas, Failure, Biology, Badddd, Music, More-Fail

Never before in my life have I failed this badly on a Maths exam.

I couldn't answer a whole question! TOT

...

I apologise to the ones out there who are not experts in this certain subject. 

But that is really what my mind is saying. That one question was worth 5 (out of 16) points, so it was quite vital... and I couldn't answer it, for god's sake!!

There's also Science and Orchestra stuff, but I can't be stuffed mentioning 'em.

7. Blurrrrrrrrr. Blur. Blur. Blurrrrrrr. Irritation, Just More Of the Same Thing Non-Stop

Yeah, it's just irritation and blur. Blur and irritation.

Non-stop.

Like usual.

Like I said, those are mini-posts. :D

8. Am I Serious? Kill. Kill. Kill. Death. Death. Death.

I've changed my mind - quite a while ago, actually.

I'm not depressed. 

I'm just a... somewhat negative, pessimistic, logical, pathetic, weak, cowardly, unreasonable, selfish, self-centred, annoying person... who simply wants to die all the time. :D

Lately, my reaction to almost anything - well, my reaction to everything that's the least bit negative is "I want to die", "someone come kill me now", etc.

Even something totally TINY like my friend asking me a question that I think has an obvious answer made me want to kill myself. =="

Dude, you've certainly gone mental. ...My mind was telling me. Since I don't think normal people have that kind of reaction to things? O.o Yeah, abnormal...

Oh god, it would be terrible if I seriously start to lose my sense of "normality"...

In Japanese.

Okay, so I needed to look at this certain document. I was using my friend's computer (who was sitting next to me). I was trying to find it on the school's website when she spoke up, "Oh, I have it."

Me: "Okay."

She goes on to find it in her documents. I turned back to grab my USB out of the tower case. She goes on to open the document.

Me: "You don't have to open it," I said simply, plugging the USB into her tower.

Her: "Eh? But I thought-something-something-something."

I gave her only 3 seconds before pulling my USB back out. Then I went on to thrashing the table physically for approximately 5 seconds, sending my pencil and USB jumping. After that short 5 seconds, I turned back,  re-injected my USB into my tower; about to go back to concentrating on the lesson.

When she said, "You don't have to get so angry." She then put my USB back into her tower.

Me: "..." That sentence she just said angered me more than anything she'd done in the entire day, let alone those few seconds. =="

Me: "...I'm not angry." Well, I wasn't until you said that just now. Now I am pissed. I felt that that sentence needed more elaboration so I continued, "...Angry is not the right word here." < I mean as when I thrashed the table. It was more like "frustration", but I didn't want to say that word (just didn't want to, no obvious reason), so the conversation ended there. :P 

And I wasn't even frustrated with her in particular, I wanted to kill myself more. == Oh wait, I want to kill myself even if it was somebody else's fault. =.=" So we can't use that as a measure...

But still, I was frustrated with myself. It feels like I've lost the ability to communicate with people. =="

Oh nos. 

9. Seriously, How Did Someone Like You Know? I'm So Shocked I'm Speechless.

I had Italian this morning, and it was... pretty much free time, like usual.

My teacher: "Stop playing games on the computer, B." B is one of my male friends, btw. He's really... I don't know. Hard to explain. Immature, but smart? Crazy, energetic, but sort of sensible? Random, hyper, but sometimes dopey? =.=" My teacher's personality is also hard to explain, but he's definitely... slack.

B: "..."

Me: "He can't stop playing, sir. It's just not possible."

Him: "Heyyy, you seem to have some dissent underneath all that composure and calmness."

Me: "........wha?" 

Him: *repeats his earlier sentence*

Me: ".....huh?" Paused. "...what does dissent mean?" I really don't know. :S (that was why I paused and went "wha?")

Him: *explains* "You know, you have to disagree. I say yes, you say no."

Me: "..." *thinking, reminiscing, assessing my own personality*

Him: "..." Looks at me, nodding. 

I glanced up at him, half-rolling my eyes. "..." *still thinking, reminiscing and assessing my own personality*

I looked back up at him again, OH MY GOD!!!

What a perfect word to describe me! >< That's right, perfect! I've suddenly felt like I just... acquired enlightenment! XD

Go On 'Bout it.... But I Ain't Listenin' :P ...And Apparently, the Way I Live is Strange.

...this ain't anything too interesting.

But this conversation has been on my mind for quite a while...

One day I innocently commented on how I hate the smell of deodorant.
Deodorant, any strong smells (cooking/food, perfume, etc.), along with dust and smoke (or rather, the smell of food that comes with it), gives me hayfever.
And hayfever can get excessively and intolerably painful, so I don't exactly try to get it - although I technically get it almost every day anyway, since dust is everywhere. [But not really badly]

One of my friends was like, "What about roll-on?"
I thought about it for almost 3 seconds and replied somewhat uncertainly, "...yeah?" *No, the truth is that I don't use any kind of deodorant. My mum buys roll-on types for me and tells me to use it, but I'm just simply too lazy. =="*
Then she asked, "What about sweat and stuff?"
I looked at her rather blankly, "..." ...And then shrugged slowly. And then I said, "I don't use any of those sort of stuff. I don't even use face scrub or such products."
"...Don't/Do you have oily skin?"
"Oily skin?" I honestly wasn't really sure what oily skin was like.
She slid her finger down her face and showed me the tip of it. "You see how there's like something-something-something-blah-blah-blah, etc."
"...yeaaah? ...maybe?" I responded uncertainly.
My friend turned to my other friend, "Oh my god, she's so lucky! She doesn't sweat and her skin isn't oily either!"
Me, "..." Wait! Of course I sweat! I'm still human!! And my skin is most probably oily (I think)... I just don't check those kinds of stuff! I don't touch my own face and look whether it's oily or not! I can't even tell whether it's oily or not!! Last of all, I don't give a crappppppp!!!!
"Oh! I'm so jealous!!" my other friend exclaimed.
"She's so lucky!" my friend repeated.
"...is... that so?" I said slowly, not able to empathise with them in the least bit, which is strange because I can usually understand everyone around me, except just not this once...
So that conversation has been quite a vivid memory, because I realised just how different I live my life, compared to my schoolmates.

I wake up at 7.30am, eat breakfast, get changed, catch the bus to school.
I don't eat anything at school, and once I get home at 3.30pm, I eat dinner. Then I chill or do homework.
At 5 o'clock I head to work.
After work, I sit at the restaurant and chill or do more homework.
I arrive home at around 11pm, I take a shower, chill more. Then I go to bed at around midnight or so.

In one week, unless something unroutine pops up, like being invited over a friend's house, there are only three places I go to; home, school, work.
Which also means that I only wear three types of clothes; pyjamas/random-home-wear, school uniform, work clothes.
Which then results in me rarely ever wearing casual clothes, and I barely go anywhere else. Since there's absolutely no need to, anyway...

Usually I spend around 10 minutes preparing for bed (including shower, teeth, change), but since it's winter I take around three times longer, which annoys me. =*=
As long as I look alright, I don't care about anything else in my appearance. I make make-up from the bottom of my heart, and I am too lazy to use any miscellaneous or beauty products, or whatever. And I don't see any need for it, either. I just feel that it's totally unnecessary...
I barely exercise, ever; I also hate swimming and the beach.
I hate the beach more than swimming, actually. It's sandy, and I hate sand, it's windy, and wind annoys me, and it's sunny, and the sun makes me tan, which is also something I dislike, and it's crowded. ^^
My daily activities can only be computer or book, because those are simply my only hobbies.
I eat rice almost everyday, and I love it. :D

Lastly, I want to say that the word shopping also makes me cringe. The word dress-up makes me wince. The words ""I'm going to put make-up on you!" and "I'm going to dress you up!" makes me run away in utter fear. ><

Things That You Wish to Happen/Do Are Usually Difficult, Otherwise You Would've Already Done it By Now and Will No Longer Be "Wishing" For it

Lately, or rather, this has been on my mind for quite a long while, but I think I might be better if I put on a facade.

Every time someone says something about life being great or something or the kind, I would passionately [yet emotionlessly, since I'm usually quite tired, another symptom of Depression] argue their, what I personally deemed, ridiculous opinions. :3
Most people happen to not like pessimism, most people like smiles and bright, cheerful personalities. (However I get annoyed when faced with an ultimately 24/7 smiling face of any person =*=)

I'm almost always either annoyed or emotionless, too, which equals in a pretty bad personality, over all. Plus, I rarely care about anyone but myself, a bad trait indeed. (I'm sure that I'd already mentioned that I have a bad personality somewhere, LOL :P)

...I've just realised something while thinking about what to write next.
I am extremely narrow-minded; I get irritated easily when people contradicts me/get things wrong, etc., I dislike other religions that is not my own (and things related to it), I... yeah, and there are things which I can't really think up from the top of my head at the moment... :)
I should be more open-minded... Now I know that I should be more open-minded, maybe I won't be as moody anymore, LOL. :3 I love it when I realise something about myself, more so if it's a trait. Because I hate ignorance, and I [secretly] pride in my non-self-ignorance. ^^

Okay, I got off-tracked.
I was going to talk about facades. And smiles.
Those annoying, painful, bothersome things calls smiles.
Every time I think of "smiles", "fun" or "cheer", I would feel the urge to sigh and just lay dead asleep on ma' bed...
Cheerful isn't a part of my personality. It can be sometimes when I'm high, but only then, and it would be short still.... or maybe it's that I'm actually really cheerful, but Depression is preventing me from being so? O.o That's a possibility...

What would forcing myself to act cheerful, forcing myself to react normally and maybe positively, forcing myself to smile all the time, etc, give a consequent of?
Would it bring a negative one and just makes me stressed and extremely tired?
Would it bring a good one and rolled on to become my real personality?

I doubt any of them since I find it hard to believe that I would actually accomplish such an amazing feat by someone with a... personality like mine....

Well, I'd think being open-minded would help a lot though. :)
Like as Deevi had once said [typed, actually], people annoy you since they don't follow your rule book.
I already knew that, but since I was a stubborn prat, I refused to let anyone not follow my rule book in my presence, despite already knowing that. xP
But being annoyed is also quite energy-consuming, and it's quite detrimental to success, so let's just...
...be a bit more open-minded, or in this case, open-booked. x)
(Yes, I know, terrible pun, not funny... :P)

Mata ne~

From,
Mage-chan~

Change of Design as of April 2012

Holaaa~

It's been... exactly one month since I last changed the design! The "Warmth Momoiro" theme was first seen on the 19th of March some time before 7.44pm. It is now the 19th of April, not 7.44pm, but who cares. :P
I deem it is time to change it, as I was getting bored of seeing the same design on my blog over and over again. :P

So yes...!
Open your eyes to this change of appearance!

P.S. The design this time is a little rushed, mind you, but I don't have much time, so let's just leave it be (the background's a little too dark for my liking). Off to work now then~

New Design > "Warmth Momoiro" Theme

Was what I had in mind, but seeing that I have no artistic sense...

It just so happens that my least favourite colour of all time is pink, but I'm currently telling myself that this... is not pink. It's peach! ...if that's even a colour. Naaah...

Well, just making a post to commemorate the change, that's all. :3

Ja na.

Hair Cut = Big Fuss (Hey, it rhymes! 8D)

So I got a haircut.

…Half of my hair is gone.

…And I just know that people will make a big fuss about it on Monday at school. It’s a given. Since half of my hair is gone.

It’s actually 5 centimetres shorter than I’d wanted – and even my mum, the cutter, said that it was shorter than she’d expected it to be since I was sitting down on a chair at that moment in time and it was hard to tell.

I just know that I will not be in a good mood on Monday. I just… know.

People will be crying over my hair. But it’s my effin’ hair, and I don’t really care that much. If life wasn’t worth living, what’s the point of caring about some… strands of… carbon? (are they carbon? I don’t think so. But, meh…)
So if it’s my effin’ hair, why would other people be screaming over it?
Like hell I would know.
But they would do it.

If they don’t… then I’m mistaken and all is good. ^^

But I’ll probably still be in a bad mood. That, or I’ll be in a very good mood to stop myself from being in a bad mood.