さようなら 2015年、ようこそ 2016年!!

It's been such a long time since I actually stepped foot into this website. Like what, two years? Yeah, that's probably about it.

For the past year I've been restraining myself from positing on Facebook and ended up saying the most insignificant little things all on twitter. I feel that it made my Facebook page a lot more positive and clean, but well, twitter's you know... it's twitter!! Ahahahahaha.

I don't really have much to say, I guess...???

2015 was another eventful year for me as I entered Year 12, well-known here for being a year of doom, a.k.a. university entrance preparation year.
Well, to be short one studies so hard their brain pops out and yet might still not have a seat in their university of choice. Oh, the competitiveness.
Other than studying it's a year of touring around taking university entrance exams.
Here in Thailand we have two major entrance systems: university-held direct admission and public admission. I won't go into details. Why? 'Cause it's a pain.
I've been using up a lot of the family's finances this year, traveling down to Bangkok and taking some exams that were only held there.

I also took the IELTS, and received an overall score of 8 (out of 9). To tell you the truth for a moment there I was quite scared about the outcome, haha.  I don't even know why when I speak English like it's my first language anyway... well okay, the test fees definitely made it about five times more scary than it should be!!

I also took the exam for the Japanese Government Scholarship, a.k.a. Monbukagakusho (MEXT) for Undergraduates.
I was pretty surprised when I passed the written exam.
I was also pretty surprised when I passed the interview.
I became 1 of the 19 candidates whose names were sent to the Ministry of Education (abbreviated) of Japan for the "final selection". The final selection is when the Ministry of Education (abbreviated) selects students from all around the world to become an "applicant" for the scholarship.
By the way, this scholarship is godly. It's a free scholarship (means you don't have to pay back) and you get a monthly pay for daily necessities. Like, you can live off the scholarship money alone.
Well, unfortunately I didn't pass the final selection but that's that. A lot of people I met at the scholarship briefing after the interview results came out also didn't make it so I didn't feel too bad, ahahahaha.

Other than that what made me really happy was passing the JLPTs. In Thailand it's held twice a year, once in June and once in December.
In December of 2014, I took the N5 and passed that. The score wasn't that great, but it was still at a satisfactory point I guess. Then in June 2015, I took the N4. I passed that, too, although my score was really too close to failing for comfort.
Just in early December a few weeks ago, although I knew that with my N4 score like that it would be near impossible to pass N3 right off the bat, I took the N3 exam anyway.... and still waiting for the results.

Right now I'm waiting for a lot of results, actually. A lot of which would decide if I'll be able to get a seat in my university of choice, haha.....

Also, I might as well add that I'd decided to pursue a career in Political Science, International Affairs (International Relations) or, as a second choice, (International) Economics.

...and here I thought I didn't really have much to say. Anyway, it was just me rambling on and on...

Well, now that I'm here I might as well add that in early 2015 I became acquainted with Thailand's branch(es) of the Kinokuniya Book Store...
And I fell in love.
I immediately became a regular customer.
I now read the
---Hana to Yume (formerly serialized Fruits Basket, Gakuen Alice,  Special A, etc... Currently serializing Akatsuki no Yona, Skip Beat!, Kamisama Hajimemashita, Oresama Teacher etc...) and
--Lala (formerly serialized Kaichou wa Maid-sama!, Kanata Kara, Vampire Knight, Ouran High School Host Club, etc... Currently serializing Akagami no Shirayukihime, Natsume Yuujinchou, Last Game, etc...)
magazines periodically as they arrive in Thailand every bi-weekly/monthly respectively and I also collect Japanese volumes of some of my most favourite mangas (that'd be Akatsuki no Yona and Akagami no Shirayukihime, FYI) even though they cost about 4 times more than the Thai versions...
Well, the quality of the manga volumes are definitely better in the Japanese version than the Thai version though, and somehow, I just can't hold back~~~~

Well, of course a lot of other things happened in 2014 and 2015 but just that these are the most that I can remember from the top of my head at the moment and I'm getting kinda tired and I can no longer bothered to type anymore so let's just stop here.

Adios,
Mahou Mage.

Shutted (but Opened Now)

I haven't posted anything for a while, because I decided that I really needed to freakin' shut up.

I've written heaps of stuff - just elsewhere.

There are bits and pieces of blog posts and complaints everywhere - on my phone, on my Blogger account (I ended up with 22 drafts without knowing it! :O), on my PC as Word docs, on my Galaxy Tab and even my ultra-shiny Galaxy Note 10.1. And soon probably on my soon-acquired new phone - Galaxy Ace II...

Okay, so I know I'd decided that I needed to stop talking a long time ago.
But well, I failed... you know. Talking more than 20 sentences per day felt like a crime. (still does. good thing.)
The event that convinced me once again to shut myself up was the boss having come back from her one-week holiday - a short but blissful period of time for most staffs, including me.
Argument was futile.
I knew that, yet I attempted to argue anyway - of course, that ended with failure, as my opinion was rejected. Like always.
Pisses me off daily, but there's nothing I can do about it but endure. I seem to have forgotten already that this was to be expected - I really can't relax and let myself be happy for even a second, otherwise I forget those important points.
Just when I decided to actually try to work for customers' sake, I could only do it for one week - it's just time to change modes, I guess. Back to the cashier who doesn't care what happens to the customers cause it's not my job. But it was for a while; the head waitress and the boss both were away at the same time, so I temporarily took the role of Acting Manager (who doesn't really manage anything).
Everything was well.
But then the boss came back, and the head waitress hasn't yet.
Because of the boss, our staff number decreased under what people would call good.
Because of the boss, the rate of customers having booked and not getting a table/their preferred table increased from almost none and sky-rocketed.
Because there was a lack of staffs, I had to still look after outside, but the boss keeps getting in my way and the mistakes she makes, we have to solve.
Although of course that's normal already...
Why did I forget about it just after a week?
Hahaha.

I hate myself more for not being able to deal with it peacefully than the boss for being like that.

I shouldn't complain; I shouldn't warn her that what she's doing isn't recommended; I need to shut up.

So I did.
And I hope I will continue to.

My self-hate only increases, it doesn't go back down, like time.
It appears I've slacked off again.
Even though I've been trying to tell myself that I can't slack off even if it's the holidays - once I start, I don't trust myself enough to come back. ...okay, I don't trust myself for almost everything, FYI.
I can't believe it-----!!! Grrr, only, what, 3 days left until my Physics assignment is due and I'm stuck!! It's giving me the biggest headache...
And I'm so pissed off at my stupid teacher! (what is this? are all my science teachers from now on fated to be annoying!?) That person said that he was going to go through the assignment on the lesson of the term - a day which many students misses just because they don't want to come school. Of course I went. But I had a violin lesson, and when I went to the classroom they weren't there - they moved to a computer lab. And the stupid teacher didn't leave a note on the door! I asked around and was going to go on an expedition around the school to search for my class, but with failure.
Pisses me off thinking about it, so I'm not going to think about it, but I need to think about it to do it, so I need to think about it. =*=

My English assignment is also slightly worrying...

I also started D.Gray man (manga & anime 1st season). It. is. awesome.
But the art style in the newer chapters are weird - at least Kanda hasn't changed too much though. But what is up with Allen's hairstyle recently!?
And oh my god, last chapter - Timmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, that's it.

~Mage-chan.

I Have Been Really Not-Creative Lately... Subjects and Results, Interpretations and Happiness, Future and Possibilities.

It really annoys me still. 

They say our school is a really really good school.

It is.

But it never fails to pisses me off in ways that are... not entirely 'wrong' or 'bad'.

The whole Year 10 had a draft for an assignment due last week. The English department made it such a big deal by putting it in the notices and reminding their students every time they see them.

I don't like this idea. Isn't it the responsibilities of the students to be able to hand in their assignments on time? Isn't it their responsibility to remember? 

[What I say when everything is too easy...]

I didn't comment on this issue, but the above was really bothering me, truthfully. If they don't hand it in, then just leave them be and let them fail. If they don't have the motivation, then that's their fault. In real life no one would come to remind you to do your work. They'd just fire you if you don't do it!!

We're already in Year 10, goddammit!! 

I guess all this ruckus would be acceptable if it was in primary school. But we're not in primary school. We're already 'senior high schoolers'...

~~

…a teacher came into our class today and talked to us about how we can pick from either English or English Communication for our Senior…

When the teacher said, “You should consider English Communication if you are struggling in Year 10 English,”, I thought that “I’m struggling”. However it was already set that I was going to do English, because I’m passing it and am planning on going to university. And people would object if I say that I’m struggling, I was sure...

But then tonight I realised that I’m not struggling in Year 10 English. I am, indeed, struggling to get a VHA in Year 10 English… which is sort of different. -__-

On the other hand, I’m also struggling to get a VHA in IT and Music. In Music, I’m probably more on “struggling to get a pass/SA” though… It. Is. Too. Damn. Hard.

So far I’ve gotten a B+ for my last Performance assessment. Next is a transcription task; that’s alright, although my understanding of it is extremely blurry.

The composition, the exam, the essay… I. Will. Fail. Trus--- no, I can’t tell you to trust my words. Because I might be wrong. I’m never right, after all.

~~

I also got my Maths C assignment back today. An A+… but not 100%. For a moment I freaked out, but then I realised that the points that made my marks not 100% was the Investigation task. So then I meh’ed, because I didn’t put my hopes into the Investigation task much.

My friend also got an A+, with a higher mark than me in Knowledge and Procedures; I got 18.5/20 and she got 19.5/20.

When I’d heard she say, “I’m happy with my mark”, I almost screeched out loud; “How!? How could you be happy with just that!? Ridiculous!”

But I was the ridiculous one, ahahaha. -_- I actually can’t believe my mind had that sort of reaction. She was 0.5 marks away from 100%... who wouldn’t be happy? Ha, me of course.

Now, apparently anything that’s not 100% is considered a “failure” to me, even if the overall mark is A or A+. And I have an ominous feeling that I won’t be happy with a 100% either… which pretty much means that I won’t be happy at all!? WTF!?

I’m starting to suspect that I’m a masochist or something! I want to see myself fail so badly… although I know why, of course. Since I’m so annoyed by the fact that everything is so easy, I want to do something hard. And to also prove my stupidity to the people who are in denial and keep saying that my intelligence exists, I want to fail on something, too…

Keh. Kukukukuhaha.

Ohhh, then again, who gives a crap about all that!? I gave up caring already! I'll just do what I want and need to do then get a well-pay job, work lots, go on a world tour, then die a painless death!

...like hell it'll go as planned, though. Life always has a way to make you suffeerrr.

Something will happen.

Something will.

I just know it.

It just depends on when.... 

They say life is short, but that only makes me more worried about everything. 

Time is precious. Time never stops. Time moves so fast. 

Something will change.

Nothing can stay the same forever.

Life is short, but there is so many things that I want to do... but will never be able to. 

There's always a contradiction in my thoughts. I am happy right now, everything is good. That's why I really don't like the thought of future either. Yet I feel that I could've been somewhere better for the sake of a better future, and so that makes me miserable and I feel like everything is doomed to fail one day.

Since it's good right now and has always been, I  feel that it definitely will be bad in the future. It can't always be great until I die. That just won't happen. I just know it.

Definitely.

I'm always dreading the day someone I know drops dead. Even if I lie to myself that it won't happen, but I know that it's a very likeable possibility. 

That may be a 'bad' time, but who knows... since I know that someone I know will drop dead during my lifetime, I don't like the thought of being really attached to anything. Because I know that I will lose someone and something one day...

But then again, I don't care any moooooore.

Too tiring to think about. I think too much, I feel like I should feel more. But feeling is also tiring.

So I just won't feel any more... was what I wanted to do. But that's impossible!!

Grr. Why is everything so bothersome!?

Someone said that "they don't care what they do/what they become as long as they have fun/enjoy life"... it pisses me off!

I could live like that. But if I only have fun, where the hell do I get my income from!? How would I live!? Is living in starvation fun!? There's such a big contradiction in that sentence!!!!

This is why living is such a bother!!

"Those subjects are an important.."

"What you choose will be important..."

Important, important! I hate the word important!! I hate anything that has meaning! 

...

Okay. Enough of that psychotic ranting.

I should be studying. ...Like always.

By,

Mage-chan.

Second Day of Term 3, 2012

Hm, hm. :3

Started the day with Maths, which is good like always, although my emotions feel like they've just been abused. It's all that "who's going to be our teacher?" issue. I got my hopes up after hearing that our new Maths teacher could be one of my favourite teachers, but in the end it's false hope once again. But since it is Maths, I guess any teacher is tolerable since the subject itself makes up for it.

During Morning Tea, I was reminded by myself of my Silenced Strategy once again.
I simply talked too much.
The expression on a certain person's face that I saw after I'd realised that I talked too much made sure of the fact that I certainly talked too much. As usual, I disappoint myself -- oh wait, I didn't disappoint myself. It's more like I broke my own hopes, since I wasn't expecting much from myself from the start.

Period 3, I had English, which I was sure would re-mushed my brain.
Surprisingly, it didn't. Not much, anyways. Since we did activities that only requires the contemporary English. Phew.

Period 4, IT... yeah. Nothing much here.

Lunch Break, but I had a Japanese Lesson... which was uneventful like usual, but I was splashed with a small worry that we're starting Unit 5 yet I haven't even been able to properly learn Unit 3 yet. Unit 5 is clothes and season, Unit 4 is illness, and as stated earlier, Unit 3 is directions...

Now, Period 4! Period 4!
I had my first Music with A-sensei, one of my favourite teachers and violin instructor - I've had him for violin lessons and such, but never for classroom music.
God, I was totally expecting it, but isn't he one awesome teacher.
He crack jokes - maybe too many. Because I remember myself laughing 80% through the lesson... yet somehow ended up learning quite an amount. We're learning about the past music, and so he started us by giving us facts about the Medieval Period. I have to tell the truth; why is it so much more easier to remember than when I was taught this in SOSE class? I can even remember that the Medieval Period is between 450 and 1450! :O
And we were being taped! It's because a few of our class members are doing Music but on a different line - because their subjects didn't end up right, so they'll be doing it through the computers, and the Head of Departments of the Arts decided to tape our lesson for them to watch later! >//<

A good day. :)
Although of course I'm still worried about Japanese exams and homework, and about getting kicked out of Physics class...

Report Card, Semester 1 2012

I just took a look at my results for last semester.

4 Bs, otherwise all As.

The following are the categories that I got a B in:-
Strings, Achievement
English, Achievement
Science, Achievement
Science, Effort

I don't feel anything... Nah.
I really don't care any more, it seems...
I bet you I wouldn't even feel anything even if I'd gotten A in every single thing. I might feel something if I'd gotten Bs or less in everything, though... fear, because I was afraid that my mum or dad or someone would say something...

Although I am glad to be able to get away from my Science teacher. Now it's less murder intent coming from me daily, during school days. ^^
I'm not looking forward to the classes (simply because I don't really want to do anything, let alone go to school and study...), but fortunately it looks like all my teachers next semester are likeable people. :)
Hmm, well, except for one mysterious teacher which I know of not, but meh.

The subjects I'll be taking next semester goes as follow:-
English (compulsory)
Maths Extension/Maths B (compulsory)
Maths C (sounds fun~)
Information Technology, IPT and/or ITN (I really want to learn programming. Just saying.)
Music (apparently, there's a lot of work in this subject. I'm now simply going to see how badly I will fail! the "performance" assessment is not something I look forward to...)
Physics (...I should pick a Science to do.)
Work Education (compulsory, only two lessons per week... now, if only that could diminish to zero)
Japanese (extra, two online Distance Education lessons per week during lunch hour ^^)
Instrumental Music, Strings (also extra, one lesson per week plus Orchestra rehearsal once a week)

I'd picked Chemistry, Economics and Italian, but I was kicked out of Chemistry during the picking-process and they decided to throw me into Physics instead ><, Economics was dropped since not enough people chose it (damn the idiots who doesn't see the invaluable knowledge they could gain!), Italian clashed with IT, and I certainly didn't want to sacrifice IT for Italian.
Fortunately I got the Maths C, but I have a feeling that that's because the amount of people who'd picked this subject was just enough for a class... so to say, they will put everyone who'd picked this subject, in that subject.

Apparently, according to many of my acquaintances, many people hate maths (although I have met people who like Maths as well...). I still wonder exactly why to this day.
The Maths at our school is so easy it hurts me every lesson - always makes me want to scream in agony.
Think about having to learn SURFACE AREA in Grade 10 (with a Scientific Calculator), goddammiitttt!!
Yet... people still seems to struggle with it.
Ahh, thinking about this is putting me in bad mood. =*=

So, then, adios.

From,
Mage-chan.

The End of a Week, the Start of Another...

This is a summary of what happened today and lately, I guess....

Goodness gracious, another week has already passed by! And next week, I have more exams to come!

So, lately, I’ve been despising Science a lot like usual, loving Maths + dying at the sheer uber-ultra easiness of it, at a war between like-n-dislike with English, loving the teacher + actually failing at the subject in SOSE, enjoying and working hard in ICT since it’s quite interesting, slacking off like usual in Italian, trying to catch up + go ahead, if possible in Japanese, hating and despising and slacking off at Work Education like usual, and ma’ violin neglected in the corner of my mind somewhere, like always.

I’ll have to try my best in catching up in 15 weeks’ worth of work in Japanese – I actually don’t have to do all of the tasks from the very start of the term, but I will! Because I’d feel unfair to the other students, and it’s better for me to learn this way. :)

Presently, my mind is in a weird sort of state – it’s extremely laggy, tired, and considerately depressed deep inside, but in my conscious, I’m not in a state of depression. My mind’s too occupied for such things… no, I’m just too busy for such things! I don’t have time to waste with more pointless moping!

But, but, my desire to die has not decreased at all! Oh well, wanting to die isn’t such a big deal.

Now, you know how in the above I have stated that I’m loving the teacher in SOSE? :P

B-sensei is awesome; you never really learn what you need to know, but you learn lots of other things instead, and you’d rarely ever need a pen or pencil in his classes.

At the moment we’re studying the History and Geography of Diseases.

And somehow we ended up discussing – well, B-sensei ended up talking to us about, “how our generation is the first generation to not be able to cope with death.” To him, he’d said, that death is just normal, an everyday life thing. He said that our generation is the first to have counsellors and such come to the school if someone here dies. He also said that he couldn’t understand why we’re so upset and can’t cope when someone dies.

I don’t disagree with him at all, except I think that the reason that our generation is unused to death is because we grew up in the era of development in where medical science has improved vastly. So that means less deaths occurs, and we who grows up in the middle-class society doesn’t see much of it no longer, and aren’t immune like the older generations.

Quoting B-sensei, “The risk attached to loving someone is to know that they’ll have to die someday.”

And according to him, “Deaths and taxes are the only things we cannot avoid.” XD Ahahaha, lol.

Also, earlier today, a new takeaway menu arrived at the restaurant – the “prototype” anyway.

The front page looks terrible, and so does a few more things (the text inside has been enlarged though, compared to the current one). :/ Who the hell designed it??

But the thing that’d caught my attention the most was this big line on the front page, “The Best Thai Restaurant in [ENTER SUBURB NAME HERE].”

I was like, DDD8!!! They… They have such nerves to use such a line! How!? How did they come up with this idea!? How shameless must they be to be able to use this line to associate with our restaurant!? I mean, I’d have had no problems if they’d used the word “food” instead of “restaurant”, because our food really is awesome, but, the word is not “food”!!

I decided to not use them unless totally necessary; I refuse to let them out into the outside world! ><

Also, we got a complainer. A weird one.

This woman called approx. one hour after she’d left the restaurant – to complain about the table she’d been seated on! She complained that the table was not to her liking (but a lot of other customers really like that table).

Da hell? Ain’t it a little late to be saying that?

I hear she sounded drunk, too.

After my boss had hanged up, I asked her what it was about, exactly. Deducting from hearing only one part of a conversation doesn’t always result in a precise answer, after all…

She said that the customer had complained that one of our waitresses didn’t understand what she’d been trying to say and weren’t able to communicate, etc. etc. (she also complained about the table, though, but this waitress was also the one who’d seated her, I’d think)

Then at that very moment when my boss had relayed to me the customer’s complaints, that very waitress walked by and decided to play with my hair. =*=

…I think she was trying to get herself fired.

Well, she didn’t understand what we were saying, of course, since we were speaking in Thai, but the boss was standing right in front of me, so if she had enough common sense, she wouldn’t do that in the first place!!!

~

And once again, for some reason, I want to sleep. And it’s barely 10 o’clock. My usual bedtime is at midnight, and even then I’d usually – almost every day – still be feeling quite awake.

But yesterday I actually went to bed at 11.20pm, 40 minutes later than usual. I was actually yawning, at that time of the day!

I wonder if it was because I was feeling bored, though… :/

Hmm… since I’ve had this same schedule (work 5 days at night, + Sunday lunch, go to school, etc) for a while now, I shouldn’t suddenly become tired so quickly…

Dammit, it’s annoying. =*=

Okay... Negativity, Deevi!??

Congrats, your name was in my blog post title!!
And in the post itself too, of course, Deevi, see I just typed it. :3

This post is on the same subject as the "negativity" post, so that's why it's named that, btw...
(But to blog about blog followers and blog posts... man, I feel like I have no life... :P)

That... uhh, ...friend I mentioned back in this post, the "negativity (yet not about negativity)" post?

He suddenly stopped replying, so I'm sorta worried now... did I say something wrong?
I thought I would wait a little since he usually takes around half a day to reply to my messages, but it's already been a week...
Should I send another one to him? :/

Maybe I accidentally fried his brain since that last message was extra long??
I did make sure to use simple English sentences though... maybe it wasn't that simple-sounding after all!??

I'm also sure it was sent through, since hotmail says so...
(Can I trust its words???)

Well, Japanese schools are much harder than ours... maybe he's busy studying? (He doesn't look like the studying type but if he failed then he'd have to repeat the year so no one would want to slack off...)
Maybe he grew tired of my ranting??
There wasn't much to talk about anyway... (plus communication is difficult, in terms of language barriers.)
I've heard he say two times in his reply messages now that he wants to come back to Australia. :P
And guess what the most successful "conversation" we had was about? Manga, OF COURSE!!! xD

(This guy always end his sentences with several exclamation marks or nothing at all, just saying... :P It's amusing, really...)

Oh well.
I'll just send him another message and see what happens...

HOWEVERRRR!!
With that said, I checked ma' inbox, and he just replied to my last message. :) It took him 9 days.
It's not that long, but it felt long, which is quite natural if you're waiting for replies.

He said that he was sorry and he had been busy...
Urr, but, 9 days...?
Isn't that a bit... too long?
Meh, nevermind...

Problem's already solved, so this post is once again another pointless one.
Then again, if you think about it, all the posts are pointless...

...Friendly, Language Problem, or Exaggeration?

I was just told that I was their "best friend!!!!" by someone whom I met for two days before they left the country. O.o

Isn't that just strange?
All we talked about was some manga and laughed a little, and says hi when we see each other...

When I asked if he "still remembers me" through a message, he replies back with a "of course!!! You're my best friend!!!!"
I was like; Woah. O.o
This guy I'm talking about happened to be Japanese, and his English is no where near perfect, but I can usually understand him. ...but was that a typo? We've known each other for less than a week, and only actually saw each other for the two days out of six since we've met!
But then a thought struck me as well. It was quite obvious. He has a cheerful, open sort of personality. You know, the type that would be able to befriend every single student in the school? Even one of the girls call him by name (unless they were childhood friends or somethin').
Maybe he thinks of everyone as his best friend? Then that would make a lot of sense.
If it wasn't a typo or his personality, then I think it must've been some sort of... dictionary problem. :P

But I'd think that it was his "everyone is my friend" personality.
Unless he was secretly making fun of me... =="

Most People Would Think I'm Weird. However I Just Lead a Different Lifestyle.

I'm beginning to dislike holidays.
Actually, I may already dislike them. Maybe not "holidays" as in day-offs, but definitely "school holidays".

There are several things that I have to do during the next two weeks before Term 2 starts.

My Holiday Tasks:

1. Redo Italian script for assignment, due next term
2. Make the Italian powerpoint for the assignment plus practice speaking (the script in #1)
3. Read To Kill A Mockingbird (for next term's English's Novel Study)
4. Look at Obentou Unit 8 (Japanese, starting that next term)
5. Forward with the Sharemarket Game (for information about the Sharemarket Game, read this)
6. Help Kaa-chan (I mean my mother) with IELTS tests (she needs to pass this to get another visa)
7. Go on Brisbane Trip with tomodachi and do Purikura (we planned on this last term, hopefully we'll get to carry it out...)
8. Progress with Four Leaf Clover Chapter 33 (my original story on Fictionpress.com)
9. Re-learn juggling (I've got my hands on really good juggling balls so I was planning on finally mastering the skill)
10. Attempt to master orchestra songs, remember the scales learnt in lessons; PRACTICE.
11. Catch up in Natsume Yuujinchou anime. Start Gintama and Full-Metal Alchemist.

Daammmmmn. =*=

And it's the holidays so now I have to work every freakin' day.

All the teachers and every other people think the same things. They think we have oh-so-much free time during the holidays so they give you work to do, thinking that we'd have lots of time to do them. =*=

I barely have time to read any manga. Well, that is, if I really follow on my plan without procrastinating, which is quite impossible...

So I'm still reading manga. But knowing that I have lots of other stuff to do makes me irritated as hell.

Although my mood right now is quite good, with the news about going to Sydney and all... :3

So then, so long,

From,

Mage-chan~ ^^

IELTS: Why Are You So Freakin' Hard? And I Hate You Government.

In the new guidelines for immigrants immigrating to Australia, as of 14 September 2009, all immigrants coming to Australia must take an English test (IELTS), and get at least 5 out of the 4 different categories or more, depending on your job that you're applying for for the Subclass 457.

=*=
We've bought the Practice Materials for the Test and they just arrived today. I took a look at it.
All hope has been lost; is what a part of my brain is telling me. However the stupid part of my mind is telling me that there is still hope if it's only 5 if she has to go for.

Damn it. I really didn't like the look of the IELTS (Practice Materials). It looked so shady. =.,=

To hell with the person who was the Minister of Immigration and Citizenship when this guideline was proposed in September 2009! To hell with him!
...And I've just come to seriously despise the Australia Government, although it's because I wish to remain in the country that is under their guidance. How ironic. =*=
And I used to like Kevin Rudd, but he happened to be the Prime Minister at that time.
My opinions has changed. :/

Also, I took a look at the Student Visas stuff, and I mayyyy be able to stay if I tryyyyyy and attemptttttt to get oneeee....

...Since you have to pass a health check to get any visa - ....Does Depression count as an illness?
I hope they don't take that into account... or that they don't test mental disorders... ahahaha...
Although I'm worried whether my mum will pass the health check or not... and she's been saying that her ears aren't very good lately so what would happen if she wasn't able to do any of the Listening Task in the IELTS?
I guess there's still hope left, although a little, tiny spark...

Yaaaaaahhh~
Easiest way out, let's move back to Thailand!!!

I'll die from all the homework and assignments and cram schooling, but who caressss!???
Iii definitely donnn'tttt careeee anyyyymoreeeee!!!!!!
AHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

:3 I've gone insane.

The School is Trying to Make me Commit Suicide

This year...

Work Education.
There's this subject we're forced into doing at school that's called Work Education.

I've realised this a long time ago, but this subject was probably 60% of what caused me depression, or rather the thing that triggered it to happen. And it's also the thing that won't help me recover from depression even if I try (not that I'm trying at the moment). Maybe it's even increasing my depression level, who knows? :D

Everything about it, everything we learns...
Yeah, I'm sure of it. The School is Trying to Make me Commit Suicide.
We learn more on about how to "live" once we graduate. We learn budgeting, financial stress, work career path, etc.
Just what do you think those topics would do to a person suffering from Depression? =*=

And everything else; in English, we're studying this Australian classic film called "The Castle".
It's about... a family of Australians who lives next to the Melbourne Airport. Then comes along the Airport Commission and Government trying to kick them out of their house so that they could expand the airport. The family was offered compensation, of course. The damn family asked a friend of theirs, who is a solicitor, to bring the case to court. The Solicitor tried to reject the offer since it's not his area of expertise, but they sort-of forced him into it. They didn't win, but miraculously, the main character runs into this amazingly skilled and good retired lawyer who was willing to help them keep their house! 8D

Aaah! How ridiculously lucky they are! *irony*
The chance of meeting a good, nice, extremely skilled retired lawyer that would fight for you... for free, no less... is that even existent!?
THIS WHOLE MOVIE IS A LIE!!! Don't start giving young people thoughts like "Aaah! If you try your hardest, you'll just luckily come across a good Samaritan who's willing to help you with no return"! Such a lie that is!!
Makes me so irritated!
"Not everything can be overcome with just determination, hard work and a positive attitude."
It's the truth, and always will be. You're not the only person in this world. It's not only you that can influence the events that happens around you - other people does, too. Even if you do your best, other people may feel like making your life a living hell. And what happens when you can't do anything about it? You suffer.
Most people will only care for themselves - their may be the few who doesn't, but most will. So you can't, and never should, expect that you will receive help when you're in the deep end. It just doesn't happen like that.
No, it doesn't, unless you really do have one heck of a ridiculous luck and you meet one heck of a kind person.

To live in this world, firstly, you need money. Yes, that's very important.
But what if you can't find money?
Then, suffer. :/

That's all there is to it.
I've been thinking that all the people we see everyday - parents, teachers, people who works at shops... They are quite a lucky bunch. They have a job, and are successful in their life up to a certain level.
Otherwise, you suffer.

Work Education makes me enter so many State of Depression that I'm beginning to really want to wag it. And for me, that's saying something. I don't think I really care anymore if I fail that subject.
Although apparently it's really important that I pass so that I get extra points after graduation, or something like that.
I feel so contradicted. I really, really, really don't want to do Work Experience, yet I must for the very same reason that I don't want to...

The school is forcing me to do Work Education.
Work Education forces me to do classwork relating to that subject plus Work Experience.
That classwork and Work Experience makes me depressed.
The more I get depressed, the more I want to commit suicide.

So to be short, The School is Trying to Make me Commit Suicide.

The Despair of Life~~! :D

This post was written on the 24th of February, 2012.

Okay, this must really be the worst year in my life. So far, anyway.
Who knows, maybe my mum and my dad will die, leaving my brother to pay his own university fees, and then my auntie and uncle retires or dies, I lose my job then returns back to Thailand because my mum's dead with only approx. 3000 friggin' dollars, and then I'd have to pay for my own needs and school fees, and us two siblings who are nowhere near close would have to defend for ourselves and at the same time pay off the mortgage. That may be the worst year in my life. ><

The hopeless future aside, let's talk about the just as hopeless present.
How this year must be the worst year in my life, this week might also be the worst week of this year, so it could as well be the worst week in my life. (So far, that is. Like I said, the above could happen... in one week, too. ^^)

Aaah... It's hard putting my thoughts into words. =*=
Lately I've begun to despise English as well. And all other languages are slowly following...

This, I think, must be because of my case of depression and pessimism. My motivation and ability to do things are beginning to drift away...
And I literally, seriously went "Oh crap" after realising this.
I think I'm a bit strange, since I'm not self-ignorant. ...I don't think.
I mean, I know all of my traits, why I think things, I know that I shouldn't think like this but I still want to, etc.

Of course, I know that depression is not good for me, or more specifically, my mental health.
But too bad. Depression is actually a serious illness and it's quite difficult to get rid off.
Da truth, da truth.

I have never felt so much despair during an exam. EVER. I mean it.
This Science exam I had this morning... increased my depression by tenfold. I only managed to answer approximately 6 questions out of 12.
(Adding in: and I got a C+, mind you. ...did I mention that Australia's curriculum is really slack?)
It was the first time I'd ever cried for such a stupid reason.
It was the first time I'd ever felt such despair during a test.
My intention to commit suicide was close to becoming an action. :/
Although of course, I didn't commit suicide, otherwise I... probably won't be here still.

Not only that, it was my birthday. The fact alone that it was my birthday already put me in a bad mood, the Science test increased it by tenfold, then my friends decided to top it all off by cheering me happy birthday merrily and spreading word around about it.
At that moment in time I seriously thought that my life was living hell. Except that in the logical part of my mind I knew that it's not; my life is far greater than some. Although I should be happy that people are celebrating my birthday, generally speaking... However, I... absolutely despise that day, or rather, the event that occurred on that day, several years ago, so I wasn't really happy with people celebrating the anniversary of that cursed day...
My birthday is now my least favourite day ever. (It only became so this year, probably because of depression?)
I don't really want to say anymore here since my friend will definitely be reading. :/
Noo, I don't want to say how she unintentionally pushed me to be on the verge of committing suicide...
Oops, I just did. == Ahahahaha.  xD
Meh. It's too complicated for others to understand. People suffering from Depression tends to think... differently... (well, obviously...) So you really wouldn't know whether what you're doing is... good or bad.
I didn't want to say this because I have a feeling that their cheerfulness may be better for me in the long run... maybe. Although I do dislike it when I am "in the moment", but I don't really know what I'll think about it... maybe, several years into the future. Ruby Mae had once said to me, "I'm sure you'll be glad that we did this for you in the future."
Although I still don't like it and am not that glad and am still feeling irritated at it.
Or maybe I'll think about it the most in the moment before I step off a skyscraper or pull the trigger: "Aah... I wanted to tell them that they were the build up to my act of committing suicide... Ohh, especially my birthday in 2012... it was one hell of a persuasion. If they wanted me to commit suicide, they succeeded very well. Very well, indeed."

If you are the person who'd done the above, pretend you have never read this post.

Naaah....
Actually, I don't think I'll ever get to commit suicide. T^T
Aaah... but I want to so badly... TOT Someone give me some courage to do so. :)
Please? xD

Recently Indulged OMOSHIROI Websites and Things that INSPIRE People to Become Unmotivated xD

So I've been doing nothing but reading manga and writing stories, like usual.
Of course, there's school and all that senseless crap, but they are so little they don't really mean anything. ==

~
Today I, drastically and regrettably, once again, ended up reading a single TV Tropes page... and then it stretched on nonstop. Which is, of course, a perfectly normal thing seeing that it is this wiki. After all, as many say, TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life. And it will cause you to open a numerous number of tabs which will possibly result in your computer crashing from information overload. xD

I clicked on this TV Tropes page after the  TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life page told me not to if I don't want TV Tropes to ruin my life... but then again, TV Tropes Could Also Enhance My Life.
Read the list of forums there are. It's hilarious. >.> And very... friendly-sounding.

Anyway, I read this wiki and was ultimately fascinated and amused.
I mean, is it really that bad? I honestly don't know since I don't really read Bleach forums that much. The most I'll do is browse through the Current Chapter Discussion on Mangafox after a new chapter comes out.
But maybe I'll go check the Character Discussion Threads, or, maybe, even more correctly, the Romance Discussion Threads sometimes later... which I doubt very much that it'll have a lack of shipping wars.

...TV Tropes had been one of my favourite websites for a long while now, which includes Fanfiction.net, Fictionpress.com, Mangafox.com, Blogspot.com... and I'd like to include Google.com but then that would just, very simply, sound stupid. xD
And now there's another website to add to that list! This website is just too cool. Hell, even its logo is abnormal! And I can't say that abnormal is not cool. >.>
...I mean, oh, the Demotivators! (now, they aren't just cool, but extremely cool... they really give us an "oh, so true!" reaction. xP)
And since I'm blogging, I'm going to use this one as an example of those things called "Demotivators" xP:

Just in case; Source: despair.com. I don't own the picture, obviously, btw. X)

Well? Isn't it so true?

I love those kinds of pessimistic (buuuut, REALISTIC) stuff. Bonus points for being hilarious.

We're learning about Satires in English right now, which is directly related to those Demotivators since it ridicules stuff and are satirical.

I was shown some examples of "inspirational" posters as well... the teacher (let's call her KG-sensei) asked the class "Do you think the posters work on people (as in, do you think it inspired them)?"

I had to say "yes, they (probably) work on people"... [that obviously aren't me.]

They were supposed to be INSPIRATIONAL. And I know that. >.> So I put that. But I wasn't inspired. But apparently half the class was. ==

...To me, one of the posters didn't seem to be so inspirational (in the general public view... the other ones I can understand for being inspirational, but this one actually had the opposite effect on me O.o).. and it said; "There's no telling how many miles you'll have to run chasing a dream." To me, this sentence was rather "demotivating". xP But it was categorised in the "Inspiring" group. I didn't say anything out loud about it since I might've sounded like a pessimistic person... and then my classmates, let alone my teacher might.. err... anyway, let's just say I don't (and won't ever) tell my teachers that I want to die right now. ><

...they might decide to force me into something like a "counselling". Oh, the horror. Dx 

It's not like I'm going to kill myself or anything, despite wanting to die! =*=

Anyhow, I decided that it was time to post something so that Ruu-chan can be happy. 

...And that's this post. (Obviously)

I also have 5 more posts in "editing mode"... but I'll save them so that I can release one post per day rather than 5 all in one day then a long absence... >.>

Bye,

Mage-chan~

P.S. This is the post with the most links I've ever created so far! 8D 19 different links. x) Hey, why not 20?? >.>

Make it Sound Legendary

Let's see. I just created this account, so of course I want to write something on it. Just one post on my "The Comments on Life" blog wasn't enough.
And since this blog is called "The Complaints Journal", I might as well complain about something.


Doesn't it annoy you when you feel guilty about something, even though it's not your fault at all, and you know it?
The unit this term for English is Parody on ICT issues, to be loose. We have to perform a parody in the form of a Current Affairs show, featuring an ICT issue. There should be around 3-4 in a group, the teacher says.
We started of with three, of course. Let me codename the other two "Gus" and... "Lee". Both of them are guys, by the way.
The next day, one of our friends who was away yesterday ended up joining our group. Let's codename him "Jo". We started a little more, and ended up taking in another friend of ours, who was alone (we are nice people, after all... :/ ). We weren't expecting the number to increase anymore since those were the only people we were close enough with in our English class. Then... came along Mikey, the moody-seeming transfer student that reminds me somewhat of a yankee. You can never actually tell though. Anyways, the teacher walks by and tells us that he is joining our group... without our consent... though I didn't plan on rejecting him from the start anyways. That's a little too mean, he is new and all.
And so we ended up... with six.
We continued working like this while I write the script for the parody (I have the highest grades in the group, and it may be just me, but I'm also the most serious and sensible... [I will be honest and praise myself here... =.=]) I was halfway through when the very same teacher that told Mikey to join our group told us to split into two.
We all went quiet after I said, "So who's with who?"
Gus quickly went, "I begs to be with *Mage-chan. ~Let's codename me Mage-chan for now~*."
And then Jo went, "I begs to be with Gus".
And things went on from there.
Truthfully, those two were the ones that I'd wanted to be grouped up with, since the other three just seemed so... hopeless. They're, you know, the type that you'd assume that they fail every subject (hello, I'm being honest here...)... But those two were the more reliable ones... at least I was sure they'd do something.
After that, relationship becomes strained. The people from the other group won't talk to me anymore. :(
Since we ended up doing the same parody (I'd already started the script, so it'd be a waste to change it, and I'd NOT be happy to give it to the other group), Gus and Jo tried helping the other group a little, but all of them just seemed so... out of the mood.
You get what I mean?


From, Mage-chan~