I
just lost my USB yesterday, one of my life-lines and one of the few things that were
keeping me from committing suicide.
Now
I’m considering whether I should shoot myself, stab myself, jump of a building
or get hit by a car. Since the four mentioned are possible ways for me to
commit suicide, except maybe the first one. (I’ll need to find a gun, first…)
The
easiest one would be to stab myself, but I’m not sure whether I’ll die straight
away, so it’s quite risky. Maybe I’ll die of blood loss… will that be painful?
Hmm. The “stabbing” would very likely be painful, but is the process of dying
there, blood draining away, actually painful?
…well,
maybe stabbing myself isn’t such a good idea then.
Getting
hit by a car doesn’t sound that promising either. I may get broken bones here
and there… but not die. Unless I manage to find a delivery truck with a drunken
driver. 8D But I can’t be bothered to go out and find it…
Plus,
even worse, something drastic could happen… like, I could lose my eye sight,
but not die. And now that I’ve lost my eye sight, so I’ll be watched over and
won’t be able to commit suicide… the ultimate nightmare. Yes, ultimate
nightmare indeed. My eyesight is very, very important to me, seeing that
some of the things that are stopping me from committing suicide were my stories
and manga, both of which definitely require eye sight. (But more so my stories.
Manga… is just… there. It doesn’t hold that much meaning anymore, because no
one would care if I don’t read manga no longer. There’s no point for me to
continue reading.)
Yes,
that might very well happen. It’s karma. I tried to commit a grave sin by
killing myself and so the damn world would inflict upon me my ultimate nightmare.
So
I guess the best and easiest way out would be to jump down from a building. 8D
Except
where would that be? I’d need at least a three-story if I were to guarantee
death... and our town being our town, there aren't that many tall buildings.
And safety restrictions have roofs and balconies fenced off and stuff nowadays.
...How about I overdose myself? 8D
Ohh, great idea! There are random packs of medicine all over my house!
Naah... sounds painful as well.
Well, that's just like life. I won't kill myself, although I really want to. But if someone comes kill me, I'll welcome him/her with open arms! 8D (as long as it's quick...)
But, seeing that this is life, I probably won't die any time soon. Someone else who doesn't want to die definitely will. :/
