The Adventures of Literacy... and Thoughts.

This post relates a lot to this other post of mine. I'm just pretty much repeating myself again. :P

Writing have somehow turned into one of my hobbies, during the past few years.
...must be because of Four Leaf Clover, with its apparent success and ridiculous length and longevity.

Personally, I think I am not that great at writing.
All of my fiction so far are failures - Four Leaf Clover included.

I do not have the ability to create short stories. =.="
I wish I do.
So far I've started around 30 stories, and none of them have faced a decent end. Neglected, mostly.

I get all of those ideas that forces itself into my head, and then I'd start a story. And then halfway through - maybe even earlier than that, I become stuck. Then I'd get Writer's Block. Then the story is as good as dead...

And yet I don't ever stop starting new stories, even if I knew that one day they'd all face the same sad fate... =.="
My newest was started only last week, and it involves a magic theme... and people fighting in wars... you know, that type of heroic, touching action adventure story. :P
I'm determined to plan out this story!!! (which I'm sure will also end in more failure!! ><)

It's all so annoying - things that I'm good at and things that I like are some times different. For example, I'm very interested in Geography and Economics, but Social Science [SOSE] is one of my worse subjects ever. Economics get an extra boost though, since I'm good at Maths in general...
And I also like Physics and Chemistry, yet I seem to suck at everything Science...

No, actually, now that I think about it, I might not really have any subjects that I'm really that great at.

And somehow, reading has turned into something painful for me. :/ ...which I do not like. Because I like reading... I think...
I remember that I used to always read - that I loved reading novels, and reading manga.

But lately, every time I pick up a book, fanfiction, or manga, I'd always be forced to pull myself away. After reading something my eyes would be extremely tired and I would feel like I require sleep. :/
And I just can't enjoy something that is so time-consuming like reading any more, with everything piling up...

On the other hand, I'm quite glad that I managed to drop a lot of my hobbies [because they waste a lot of my time]. Actually, I think it's best that I don't have anything I like at all... that way I won't have anything to run away to in times when I wished to procrastinate. Simply, I won't have anything that I'd want to do. So I'd have a higher chance of staying on task.
[I hate myself for being so in-discipline. :/]

I felt that I've avoided blogging more than usual, but since I'd posted the post saying that I won't be blogging much anymore, I've posted once every two days. O.o
Which surprised me, since it felt like I'd left quite a gap... but apparently I have not.
I'm going to deduct that it was because I've been busy this week, so it felt longer.

With that said, I hope I'll be able to stay away for a longer period every time. :)

Adios~

From,
Mage-chan~

Information Overload; Some Sort of Plan Should be Involved in Writing a Story

For the first time in my life, I am thinking of doing some planning for one of my stories.
No, I plan to plan everything on this story, because at the moment it is my favourite out of all approx. 30 stories I am simultaneously writing. :3
(There are many dropped ones, hiatus ones, etc, too, though. And most of them are stories that I'll never ever put on the internet as they are only for my entertainment. :3)

Because to me, Four Leaf Clover was a failure. My failure. Rather, the story itself wasn't a failure since I got a good reaction from the FPCom readers, but what I did to it made it a failure.

I never plan out any of my stories.
I usually would just think up of a starting plot or idea, a few characters, then start writin'!

And I now wished a little that I had planned out Four Leaf Clover at least a little. Usually when I write, I would slap new ideas into the story along the way.
Even if my writing works best that way as I usually come up with good ideas as I write, it can bring a bit of a mistake. What I'd added into the story later may not mix well with the start or something that I had said at the start. Four Leaf Clover had this problem.
It has been over a year since I'd started Four Leaf Clover, and I forget what I'd written down before. But then when I re-read back, I realised with some horror that what I said at the start contradicts with what happens recently. I was worried that the readers might notice. New readers who reads the chapters all the way through will probably notice it, old readers who waits for new chapters probably won't. Hopefully.
(And don't ask what the mistake was; I'd already forgotten. I remember worrying about it when I re-read the first few chapters though... O.o)

It was worse since Four Leaf Clover had potential, I just knew. If only I didn't stuff it up, it could've been way way better than it is. I feel that I own something to the readers and the story itself. I've become attached  to the characters already anyway, since I've been with them for over a year already.

And so I do not want to make the same mistake all over again.
At the moment my focus are on 3 different stories, with Four Leaf Clover as one of them. It never leaves my "focus", mind you. There are people waiting for me to update. >.>
2. My World, Your World and The World - an action mecha supernatural story, I guess. Supernatural powers are known to exist in this universe, our earth in 2047 AD. The main character becomes a member of a world-wide organisation sponsored by the UN that researches, controls, investigates, etc, crimes and criminal that are related to the supernatural.
3. The Absurdly Powerful Student Council. Literally. - a school life supernatural comedy story. Set in a country where there is a school that keeps its secret within its huge impenetrable walls; it was also widely known as the most prestigious school in the world and the entrance exam seems to be insanely hard. Kiriha, the main character, suddenly gets a "mandatory" invitation to this school after meeting its Student Council one day. She goes there and was told that this school was created to house kids who have supernatural powers, magical powers, are non-human beings, etc, and that she was also one, without knowing it. The Student Council were made up of only the strongest students, so the title rings truth.

At the moment I'm attempting to plan out My World, Your World and The World, but I seriously do not know where to start. There's so much to write about, which also means that there's so much to plan of!
Seeing that it was set in a different universe (similar to the current world, but still different), I decided to draw out the map of the setting, but that failed... Then I decided to list the characters, but that... sort of failed as well.
And so I went on to creating some cases for the team to solve. I instantaneously came up with three, and am  glad that I am planning them out before writing as it will likely give off the best product. ...probably.
However this sort of story can go on forever; it sounds episodic, and episodic stories seems to last long (not that it will be popular or good long, but that the story itself can be long) as they can really go on as the author gives them some new problem each new episode. But I don't really want this story to be episodic, so I'll need to think up some sort of ending... but I can't really come up with any. Not at the moment anyway.

And I need to start planning for The Absurdly Powerful Student Council. Literally., too...

And I am planning on planning for the future of Four Leaf Clover, and just so you know, it will be a long long road...
I have no intention of ending it any time soon, as there's a lot more that I can still write about... there are quite the amount of characters after all... and I can write four times more than a normal story, because the main character leads 4 lives!!!

This Random Passage on the Internet Just Ordered me to do Something...

LOL, the post title is quite random sounding. :P

But this is another Depression-filled post, mind you. x)

I went on a little Wiki Walk with this starting word: Depression.

That certain passage just freakin' told me that I need to get help, or whatever...

Now I'm re-thinking things.
What is it that I really want?
To die, to disappear, to not live, or to deprive myself of Depression?
Hmm.... :/ A hard question, that one.

Err... I... am too stubborn to try and get rid of Depression, to be honest. I don't know why, maybe it's because I think illnesses are cool? :x
As they say, Television is Trying to Kill Us.

And I really really really really REALLY don't want to be deprived of Depression... then to look back on my life and see how stupid I was to sink into despair when there really wasn't any reason for me to. :/
Actually, I think if I try I would be able to get rid of this, since I know all about myself and all... =*=
See, I even know that what I'm thinking is stupid.
Oh wait, or do I?
Yaaahhhhh~ Yada yada yada~
The human brain. What a hard thing to understand. Even a human brain isn't advance enough to understand itself. ==
Hmm... I think my view on life is correct...
Um... oh, yes, it's because I know that optimism is a good way to live life, and I can understand other people's point of views...
...this is really complicated. =.,=
Oh, that's right...! I want to commit suicide, but I also know that it's not the right thing to do - this known fact is also one of the things stopping me from doing so, mind you. So... I know that me wanting to commit suicide is stupid, but I really want to do it!!
Yaaaahhh~ :D
Depression is so annoying, yet I like how it makes me feel... I don't know...
...I love my I view the world; I think it's right, but I just don't like how I'm acting... that's right! That's it! I don't like what I'm doing and what I'm not doing.
I hate how unmotivated, lazy, stupid, and passive I am.
...but my thoughts controls my actions. =="

Y'know, all of this is so troublesome and bothersome and tiring that I just "want everything to end already". :3

NO, I don't want to exercise.
I don't want to do anything anymore.

I want everything to effin' end.

....
Why do I keep repeating myself, damn it? ==
I'd better come up with some new things to rant on about next time so that I can keep you  readers entertained.
Then again, you guys aren't like my stories readers... I don't feel obligated to keep updating because I feel that I can make people happy with my product...
Maybe it's because there aren't many readers, and barely any comments, while I get at least one review in 3-5 months with Four Leaf Clover?
Or is it the content?
...most likely all of the above. :/

So then, so long,
From,
Mage-chan~

Acquired Memento of How Terrible This Freakin' World is

So I ended up able to retrieve my USB back into my possession.

Except that it doesn't really feel like it's in my possession.

The real world is not so easy; what once lost cannot be regain. And No pain no gain.
I lost nothing to regained again what I'd lost.

Or maybe what I lost was a part of my... sanity?
Err, no. That's not it. Wrong choice of words.

I thought the despair I felt during that damn Science exam on my freakin' birthday was pretty bad, but losing my USB brought worse.
Aah... what a memorable feeling it was. :3
Greatly reminding me how the world is always unpredictable; one careless step and you may lose everything that is important to you. (although I made a backup, so that wasn't as terrible. Yes, it was only a simulation. The real thing will be worse. Much, much worse. Much, much, much worse.)

And I can blame no one but myself for this lost.
Like most times, there is no one but yourself to blame because it's usually you who have done the wrong. Unless it's someone elses.
I want to blame life, but there's no point in that because life has always been like it, and it will not change, but the people can. But the people won't change, so it won't change, either.

I haven't used my USB yet.
I feel that it would be too... I don't know, I just can't. I can't bring myself to use it.
Maybe I should just keep it as a memento of this event.
It'll remind me quite nicely how the world never goes the way you wish; it's unpredictable and you must be very careful or you end up half-dead.
Yeah... if I use it, I feel that this truth may be forgotten from my mind.

Yeah. I won't use it until....
Whenever.
Maybe once I finished that side story and pilot chapter for one of my stories and publish it on FPCom. And then I'll use it since I'd need to continue Chapter 32 of Four Leaf Clover.
Maybe never.

Internet Friends Are Cool

Every time I think of a blog (Oh my god. According to this thing, "blog" isn't a word.), I always think of Koko ni Iru Yo!:

Ahh... that was one of the sweetest, cutest and saddest manga I've ever read... it was rather short, although that's not strange for a romance...

Anyways, I think it'd be so cool to have long-term internet friends...
I mean, there are a couple of people that I have met on Fanfiction.net and Fictionpress.com because I've either reviewed their story or they've reviewed mine. I'm those type of people that replies in long meaningful paragraphs... and is always the last to reply in the message-swapping... as in, the other side would usually just stop after a while.
And then, we'd stop talking.
My replies would usually also be longer than the others' too: I've liked the facebook page "I've just sent you a long and meaningful message. DO NOT reply back with a "k"." (It's not the exact title, but it's pretty similar.)

Although there is a certain reader of my ongoing story, Four Leaf Clover, that usually reviews every single chapter which results in several different conversations... But we can't talk about much except the story. And then... I get influenced by her likes and dislikes which is not good. Because of her, I've almost come to totally disliking my main guy character (damn!)!! Although I've pulled myself back! and away! in time to avoid disliking him totally... cause I know someone else who really likes him as well... I can't do favourisms with the readers...