I always receive a mixed feeling whenever I hear [or read] those things where people talk about how you shadn't commit suicide.
I'd be a little annoyed, a smidge irritated, and maybe a little proud... and maybe a few more feelings that I can't name (simply because I am an idiot whose English leaves much to be desired).
I'd once watched this girl who is blind since she was 9 months old and is short of one arm [she had to cut it off because of some certain abnormality in it]. She said that people have told her that seeing her determination to live on had stopped them from committing suicide. The MC/Commentator/TV show person then asked her what she'd said as a response to that person. She'd said that [well, something along those lines], "You see me, I'm blind, I have cancer, I'm missing an arm, yet I still have a reason to live. So for what reason is it that you'll commit suicide?"
Everyone clapped at her words, but I was extremely tempted to smash my own thoughts into her face.
I hate life, I don't want to live. That's the reason I want to commit suicide (I'm not going to; I just want to ==).
I know how people have dreams in their lives; how some people have things that they want to accomplish one day.
Yet I can't seem to empathise [and maybe even understand] all of that.
I still think that life is pointless, I still just want to die as quickly as possible.
So my reason to die is because I have no reason to live, very simply. :D
The more days pass by, I have this feeling that I'm just getting more and more stupid, and I'm losing more and more control. By control, I mean that I feel like I'm... going insane.
Sometimes I become extremely frighten that I would suddenly start literally throwing a real tantrum at school. ...Man, that would be terrible. ==
Besides, lately, I've been feeling that, not only have I been talking too much, I've been reacting too much as well. I sometimes feel like I'm unnecessary exaggerating things, unnecessary reacting or caring about pointless things.
I feel like I'm straying off, too...
There isn't much else that I should be concentrating on apart from school [and work, but that doesn't need much concentration].
I'm such a hypocrite, I annoy myself. Well, there are lots of other factors about myself that makes me hate myself; hypocrisy is simply just another reason.
I want to follow the plan that I've set out for myself. It's best to just remain emotionless inside but smile on the outside, don't you think? That way everything would simply just run smoothly, no distractions, no disruptions, there won't even be depression or sadness, because you'd be emotionless anyway. :)
Emotions are such a pain it makes me want to brainwash myself so that I can be without them. =*=
I'd be a little annoyed, a smidge irritated, and maybe a little proud... and maybe a few more feelings that I can't name (simply because I am an idiot whose English leaves much to be desired).
I'd once watched this girl who is blind since she was 9 months old and is short of one arm [she had to cut it off because of some certain abnormality in it]. She said that people have told her that seeing her determination to live on had stopped them from committing suicide. The MC/Commentator/TV show person then asked her what she'd said as a response to that person. She'd said that [well, something along those lines], "You see me, I'm blind, I have cancer, I'm missing an arm, yet I still have a reason to live. So for what reason is it that you'll commit suicide?"
Everyone clapped at her words, but I was extremely tempted to smash my own thoughts into her face.
I hate life, I don't want to live. That's the reason I want to commit suicide (I'm not going to; I just want to ==).
I know how people have dreams in their lives; how some people have things that they want to accomplish one day.
Yet I can't seem to empathise [and maybe even understand] all of that.
I still think that life is pointless, I still just want to die as quickly as possible.
So my reason to die is because I have no reason to live, very simply. :D
The more days pass by, I have this feeling that I'm just getting more and more stupid, and I'm losing more and more control. By control, I mean that I feel like I'm... going insane.
Sometimes I become extremely frighten that I would suddenly start literally throwing a real tantrum at school. ...Man, that would be terrible. ==
Besides, lately, I've been feeling that, not only have I been talking too much, I've been reacting too much as well. I sometimes feel like I'm unnecessary exaggerating things, unnecessary reacting or caring about pointless things.
I feel like I'm straying off, too...
There isn't much else that I should be concentrating on apart from school [and work, but that doesn't need much concentration].
I'm such a hypocrite, I annoy myself. Well, there are lots of other factors about myself that makes me hate myself; hypocrisy is simply just another reason.
I want to follow the plan that I've set out for myself. It's best to just remain emotionless inside but smile on the outside, don't you think? That way everything would simply just run smoothly, no distractions, no disruptions, there won't even be depression or sadness, because you'd be emotionless anyway. :)
Emotions are such a pain it makes me want to brainwash myself so that I can be without them. =*=
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