The More Days Pass By, the More I Hate Life

Goodness, every second that passes by, the more stupid I am starting to feel, the more frustrated I get, the more hatred I have towards Australia, the more I hate myself.

Every single teacher is starting to piss me off with their slow lecture and repetitive explanations.

Every second wasted makes me feel like my future is ending, continuously falling down the hill.

The more I see my friends around me, the more I realised that I am nothing but a stupid girl out of million others, some which are more intelligent than me, some that are more stupid than I.

But if you're not the best, then you're just a loser. And I'm not the best in anything. In my age group, in this school alone, I am not first in anything. English, Maths, Science, SOSE, Italian, Japanese, ICT, Music, in none of my subjects, am I first.

There can only be one winner, which means that the others are virtually losers. So that technically means that I am a loser.

Every problem that I can't crack; makes me want to bang my head against the wall and wonder how stupid I can be to fail some problem set by this damn country.

I'd always thought that I was good at Maths, but I am also slow and can only focus on one thing at one time. Plus, I didn't manage to get a 100% in my last two tests, and yet my friend managed to, so I'm just not good enough. Plus, the teacher is beginning to annoy me (the cause is my classmate though; they're too stupid, so he has to repeat himself continuously or answer obvious questions, which in turn annoys me).

English, I'd never be perfect at, and my hatred for it has steadily increased, so I don't think I'll ever come out with too good a mark.

Science, the teacher can go die in a hole, if he doesn't want to teach us anything.

SOSE, ain't my subject. I can barely remember any historical events of the world...

Italian, it's too similar to English to have my liking...

Japanese, it's fun, I like it, but I'm still not as good as some people...

ICT, there's still that person who's better than me...

Music, I just suck at it; my friend says I am a good violinist, but I dare say she's ignorant and can't even prove what she's saying. I can barely remember any scales (only C Major, D Major, and A Major), I can't tell what note is which when being play, I can't count steadily, I can't read music notes too well, and there are at least one part in every song that I don't know how to play. And there's even evidence to prove that I am terrible - I'm at the very back of the second violins!! Generally the best sits in 1st desk, then so on. And I am LAST, in the SECOND violin. Technically speaking, I am the worse in the whole orchestra. :3 And yet she says that I am "GOOD"!???? GOODNESS, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF SHE'D EVER HEARD ME PLAY SOLO YET!!!! (well, she has. But that was 3 years ago. Doesn't count. And I'd sucked then, too. Didn't even know how key signatures work.)

Okayyyy, now I'm pissed again. =.="

Goodness, I'm so... fractious. :3 Describes me pretty well, doesn't it? I'm a contentious, fractious prat~

I despise stupidity even more than optimism. And I have loads of stupidity, but I try my best to not receive and show any of it. I hate myself so much; I hate myself because I am just so stupid.

I was stupid enough to get depression over Work Experience. I mean, come on. I'm not actually serious, right? Depression? Over Work Experience? That, is just hilarious. :3

I'm so weak and stupid that I feel like laughing my head off.

Haaaah... 

Back to talking about my violin skills again, when ma' friend had told me that I was a good violinist, I was actually pretty pissed, but somehow... I managed to hold it in!?? 8D Oh, GOD!! ...I just blamed myself again, because what I wrote down had made her said that. 

My fault again~

But then again, I can't possibly gloat and boast and lie about my violin skills. Because I don't really like lying, especially to myself. :/ So... I guess I'll just have to endure any other future occurrences.

Yes, endurance. 

Another key action that has kept me going. I'd have to endure everything and anything.

Endure, endure, endure, endure, endure, endure. 

I have to endure and stop myself from seriously banging my head as hard as possible against the wall.

I have to endure and stop myself from walking about and punching my teachers in the face.

I have to endure and stop myself from jumping in front of that incoming car.

I have to endure and stop myself from screaming at everybody that talks to me. ==

I have to endure and continue living the hateful life.

Oh, god dammit, now the word "life" makes me want to stab myself or to abuse the wall...