They say that you should talk to someone if you have Depression, right? :/
Today my friends and I talked about this, and for some reason...
Usually when I talk to just R-chan or E-kun about this, I become high and happy, or tired because I used up too much energy afterwards... but this time Em-chan joined in, and for some reason it caused me to enter a State of Depression afterwards.
I can literally seriously feel the despair creping into my consciousness and I was like, "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap"... :P
And I also feel like I just told a secret that could destroy the world. :/
Maybe I didn't want anyone else to know subconsciously, but consciously I already told someone, and now I'm feeling the after-effect of my subconscious wish?
Because I feel like I just told a secret that could destroy the world, and because now that I've told it, the world will come to an end. :x Or it could be someone else's secret, however you told someone else although you swore yourself to secrecy.
Something like that.
Now my desire to die just increased because if I die I wouldn't have to worry about this anymore.
Em-chan told me that I should really talk to someone about it - I have this vague feeling that it may have been the trigger to my earlier State of Depression...? =*= (Remember how I said that people suffering from Depression think differently, and that you can never really tell whether what you're doing is right or wrong? It's especially more so in my case, I think.)
Just the idea in itself made me depressed? Maybe I don't want other random people to know that I have Depression? Maybe I am ashamed of it?
Gah. My head feels messed up because I don't know why I feel like this, which is really unusual. I'm barely self-ignorant, and I'm quite proud of that fact. I hate being ignorant. :/
Then again, if I was ignorant I wouldn't have ever gotten Depression...
But am I really that sad that I have Depression...?
Not really...
I don't think... :/
Aaah... I really don't have a right to be depressed, and because I have acquired Depression, I have no right to really live... :/
Like, there are so many other people in this world struggling to stay alive, yet I'm, someone who'd perfectly well-off, wants to die? That's so self-centred and selfish! It's ridiculous! How selfish can I get!?
It's unbelievable. O.o
One my friend told me something about a debate about whether "Hospitals should kill people who wants to die", or something like that.
I think that it's a greaaaat idea. :D
Oh my god.
My desire to die right now is so friggin' strong. O.o
Because of that conversation with my friends earlier, I just realised that, no, I really don't want to talk about Depression, no, I don't want anyone to really know that I have Depression, and no, I don't want to cure myself of Depression.
And... HELL YESSSS!!! I WANT TO FRIGGIN' DIE!!!!
However... that was what I felt 4 minutes ago.
Now my mum is back from work.
I see her and my desire to commit suicide just melted. :/ (Temporary, probably)
Don't make any "aww" noises because it might bring me a desire to kill.
Although a desire to kill is less likely to happen than a desire to die for me, it's still not good for my mental health, which isn't exactly good from the start anyways...
Ahem. Not kill - take away life support. We don't want to label those darling doctors and nurses with the title of 'murderer.'
ReplyDeleteAnd, it only applies to old old people who are in pain, or vegetables, or people who have some sort of disease and are in so much pain that they don't want to live because the pain is unbearable. If any random person came in and asked the hospital if they could be 'put down,' then that would be unacceptable.
Damn, that sucks.
ReplyDelete...Like I care whether they're titled as murderers or what not.
...They should have some sort of business somewhere - those that do not want to die: come here and we will kill you for you~! The price will be 1/3 of all of your savings - we'll give the rest to the people in your will, whoever they may be. You wouldn't mind anyway, since you want to die, right? :3
If you can't make this world better, then come to us - stop wasting the world's resources!
The less people the less pollution, and the slower resources will run out! Extend the existence of humanity by using our services!
Your sacrifice could extend the existence of humanity by several years! You'll die knowing that you have done something good!
We'll put your name up on the Wall of Sacrifices.
Remember, you're dying for the sake of everyone else in the world, so there's nothing to be ashamed about!
xD Aaah... That would be good, but I'm not quite sure whether that kind of business would be legal or not... Aheheh.
When we discussed this hospital issue, why was it again that random people can't come in and asked to be killed?
I don't really see a reason... but that's probably because I'm biased...