Just Thinking About the Future Makes me Want to Commit Suicide

Today my friend told me that she now know what she wants to do for work experience.

=*=
Oh crap. Now that she's mentioned those two cursed words "work experience", I've entered a state of depression... and am in no mood to finish off my English assignment.
Which, ultimately, is due tomorrow. :/
Damnnnn itttt.

Work Experience is a part of our Work Education class. At our school, in Grade 10, you're forced into doing a subject called Work Education. To be short, you learn how to live... just stuff about resumes, job interviews, financial debt, credit cards, interests, etc...

With me being in Grade 10, I have to do it too.

Work Experience happens in the last week of school. You go and work somewhere to get the experience.

I mentioned once to my friend that I really hate Work Education.
They agreed and said that it was boring.
Then I continued and said that I really, really don't want to do Work Experience.
They disagreed and said that they wanted to do Work Experience and that they're looking forward to it. Apparently, it was the only thing they liked about Work Education, too.
With a start, I found out that other people are looking forward to it. :/ Yes, I kept that in mind from then on and didn't say anything else.
Because the very reason I hate Work Experience is the same as the reason for my Depression, and since I didn't really want to yell to the school that I have Depression, I made sure not to mention that too often and definitely not to teachers.
I didn't really mind the class stuff that my friends thought were boring, but Work Experience fills me with a sense of dread, hopelessness, despair and... depression? :/
I... really don't have the courage to do such things. Work Experience, I mean. I don't have the courage to do anything...
No. This is a little too complicated to explain. == Yes, too complicated, indeed. So I will not explain my reasoning and these senseless craps called feelings and emotions.

Just being reminded of the words "work experience" put me into another State of Depression. :/ But it was good too, since it helped brought me back into the real world.
Lately I've been busy doing schoolwork and am just reading manga and watching anime without thinking any depressive stuff... however that also means that I wasn't thinking at all. Not thinking about my own life and the future at all. And now I've been snapped back to reality, that one day I'll have to do Work Experience.
It feels very much like the time I lost my USB. :)
Yes, that's right. Feels exactly like that, except the situation is different.
The despair is the same. It's just that with the USB, I dreaded that I really will lose it for real, but with this, I can be sure that it really will happen. It's worse than the time I lost my USB, because it's definite. Yet for some reason I am hanging onto a pointless thread of hope that I won't have to do it. Would they let me off if I tell them that I have Depression? 8D ...But what if they say that "everything must do it"? Something like Depression won't give me a leeway in life, after all. Yeah, no chance.
I was so irritated and "other stuff" that I punched the ground. Although I guess I wasn't that irritated since I didn't do it to full force and I actually put my jacket down on the ground first so that it didn't hurt too much. =="
Next time I should do it seriously, with bleeding and all. It may bring me to my senses a little.
I should just get on with life and try to live for the future. :/
Although I really hate the future...

Aah... it's a bit hard to tell whether what I'm thinking is pessimism or depression. :/
Those are two totally different things after all.

Once my friend had said, "I really wish that one day something big would happen to you and then you become all happy and..." etc..........
Let me tell you that she knows that I have Depression.
However I don't think she really understands. I... don't think she understand at all, actually. :/ She may, but she just gives me the impression that she doesn't. So who knows?
The above is a mixture of pessimism and depression, with depression being around 85%. This post is 100% depression. Actually, now that I think more about it... the above might as well be 100% depression...
Pessimistic people wouldn't want to die. :/ They probably don't think that they're a failure and that the future is hopeless and that life isn't worth living either. Well, maybe they'd think the last one, but, the point is, pessimism is not depression.

Depression, dear readers, is an illness. A serious illness, at that. It's just a mental one.
After all, many die from it each year. :3
I hope one day I'll be one of those peopl...
Naah, I want to die, painlessly please, without committing suicide. But I don't think that will happen. We can't really choose our own death after all. Unless we commit suicide. xD
And one day I'll... probably be cured from that illness... although at the moment I can't really imagine myself not wanting to die because I really want to.
For example, it's like saying that someone who's obsessed with manga and anime will one day not like it anymore. Not that they'd "overcome their obsession", but to not like it anymore. Can you imagine that? :/

Now, let's pray that I either get shot in the head or gets involved in a terrorist attack by running full-blown into a bomb and dying straight away tomorrow. Or any other method of quick, painless death would be fine, too. :)
Thank you~