Apparently, Pessimism Leads to Depression x)

Because of the conversation that happened on the comments of this post, I googled "pessimism". :P

I wanted to read its "meaning", as per dictionary... very interesting, indeed. ><

I ended up doing a short Wiki Walk on Wikipedia. And Wikipedia being Wikipedia and not TV Tropes, it was short.
Anyway, I read this page then decided to google Beck Depression Inventory.

I tested myself on the Beck Depression Inventory, which measures your level of depression.
8D I was very tempted. And it was very fun... well, it was something to pass the time pretty well. O.o

You should try it. Here. x)

So what did I get?
...My first try doing it, I got 31!! 8DDD
=*=
Yes. It's nothing to be happy about... of cooouuuurseee...
Apparently I'm suffering from Severe Depression. ><
(Sorry, I'm feeling really high and excited writing about this, for some mysterious, unknown reason xP)

I did the test a second time, this time trying to be as accurate as possible, even going "0.5" on ones that I wasn't sure of: "it's either 0 or 1... 0 or 1.... 0 or 1? Let's go 0.5! xD That'll be the most accurate."
Anyway, on my second try I got 23.
Now I have Moderate Depression. :P
And apparently I should seek medical assistance if I get higher than 17. But no way in hell am I going to do that. Cause then I'd have to tell my mum about all this crap. Not good, not good. =w=
........oops. So.. I guess it's not a very good idea to announce my score to the world? ><
Meh. Who cares. ==

However, I did the "second time" today, while I did the "first time" yesterday.

Yesterday, I was evidently pissed off/irritated/depressed way more so than today. (not sure if my friends noticed, though. ==)
Why?
Because after scoring a "31 - You are suffering from Severe Depression" on the Beck Depression Inventory, I decided that it is not good for my mental health.
So I decided to not think about the future, life, living, or anything depressing during the day.
And I didn't.
And I was pretty happy... I think. =*=
I also went a bit crazy here and there and became extra talkative for the sake of it, totally going out of my usual "thoughtful, comtemplating, why-the-hell-am-I-making-myself-depressed-by-thinking-about-this" mode.

It was all so damn hell tiring.


...........Oh, but wait. Getting tired easily seems to be a symptom of depression. ><
(...This is all so cool, yet not cool at the same time...)

However, I think I'm more "Moderate" rather than "Severe", according to the Beck Depression Inventory which I will now be shortening it to BDI for convenience.
Since the score that managed to mark me as "Suffering from Severe Depression" was just one point into that scale. Meaning, just one point less and I'd have had "Moderate Depression", not "Severe Depression". ==

So let's cut out the "Severe Depression" possibility....


After "not thinking depressingly and stuff" for the day, I felt much better in terms of mental health.

But the point is, "can I think like that for the rest of my life?"
Definitely impossible.
I don't even want to think like that. It's just such a stupid and thoughtless way to live. =*=

This world is not an easy place to live in - take all the homeless, jobless and poor people in the world as an example.
If you don't plan ahead, your future could end in peril.
...then again, even if you plan ahead, it doesn't mean your future won't be in peril.
Plus - who to say that your parents won't lose their jobs while you still haven't found yours? And do you really think you will, with millions and millions of jobless people currently in the world? If your parents lose their jobs, they'd lose their source of income. And if you don't have a job, your whole family won't have a source of income.
Although it's different in Australia because the government looks after you too well. But then the tax would need to go up and you'll end up putting other people in trouble because they struggle to keep themselves fed while paying off heavy taxes. =*=
And while you don't have a source of income, don't have a job, what happens?
This is what "pessimism" is, btw. Looking at the world in a logically, albeit negative, way.
Look at the current news headlines - just how many people have lost their jobs in the past few weeks? Thousands. Toyota, Alcoa, Qantas. They sack their workers in hundred digits.
Plus, even if you manage to get a job, you can't always be certain that it's stable, unless you work for the government (but government workers get pay a little less... it's a salary, after all...). The business, especially small ones, can enter bankruptcy at any moment. And you wouldn't even know, being a mere employee.
And even if you work for the government, if you accidentally stuffed up, things could get bad. If you're fired in a government job once (teachers, police, firemen), it's usually hard for you to get another if you intend to stay in the same field of occupation.
So then that's not safe either.
Logically and technically speaking, nothing about life is safe. Even we who are still students aren't safe. If some sort of disaster befalls upon our school, we won't be able to attend it since it's destroyed (of course, we could always move to a different school. But moving to a different school in the middle of a phrase of schooling isn't that great of an idea). If the government ran out of money and can't pay the teachers (very unlikely), then the teachers are in trouble. If the teachers doesn't die first, then we'd probably still get taught, but that's unknown.
And health issues. If we fall sick and has to leave work for a while, there's a chance that we'll get fired from being absent for too long. And there's a high chance of falling sick if you need to work hard for the sake of keeping your family fed; there's more chance to fail.

Is life really worth going through all those insecurities and difficulties for? Not to mention the ones I didn't mention?
What can you, us, I, achieve just from being alive?
Nothing, unless you're someone like Thomas Edison or Newton. Then you can probably achieve things and make changes. Big changes.
But are you one? Most probably not.
...Or if you're some kind of genius who's very good in a certain field and can, or will, become "the top"? If you are, then congratulations. Your life looks a lot brighter than mine.

I'm none of either. I'm a stupid person, and I do try hard in school, even if I lack motivation to do so - I know that I must. Otherwise it would just very simply make my future looks even dimmer than it does already. :/
Even if my friends always deny my stupidity and insists that I am smart, that is not actually true. Or it could be true, if you're talking about simple Mathematics. But what I have can't be used in real life to an effective level. Unless I become a teacher, but I have no reason of doing so because I hate that job (also, my memory doesn't support that job. It is simply terrible. I've already forgotten everything I learnt last year and the year before - although that's quite normal, I don't think I'll be able to remember all those formulas at the same time even if I tried. Maybe.)

I have no hopes for the future and I definitely don't think it will improve. < Now that was "depression", not pessimism.

...

Okayyyyyyyy. I will stop now.

For some reason, today I'm not going on about how depressed I am but instead went into a "let's-slam-this-thinking-into-others" mode.
But actually, in all honesty, I don't want others to think the same as me. Optimism can bring good things too. Besides, most people like that trait in people. You'll get jobs easier that way. ^^ Plus, it makes me unique. :P

Did you know that "pessimism" is not just "thinking about every effing thing in a negative way", but more like viewing things in a non-biased light and viewing the world in the way it actually is, when they're not influenced my optimism? Although it also depends on the person too.
After I found this out I was like "ohhhhhhhh hoh." x)
After knowing that I just somehow went on a rant about how I view the future and the world and stuff. :P
Probably because I was told that my thinking could be the right way and everyone else could be overinfluenced by optimism, psychologically speaking.
(I've taken a very high interest in psychology now... maybe I should check the uni course about it out sometimes... ><)


Peronsally, I don't only hate the world but is also effing scared of the future. (I was sure I said something like me being a cowardly person on another post.)
It's unknown, riskful, unstable, unpredictable, tiring, and many more negative things.
Maybe the only thing I can look forward to is the time when I'll be deprived of all responsibilities. :)
...Namely my death, for those who didn't quite get it. xP


I'm going to say this again: I don't really have the intentions of making you think pessimistically.
Simply because being optimistic is usually a good thing. It makes you confidence and make you takes risks and opportunities that could make you very successful.

But it could also cloud your judgement.

The right way to think? :3

Be like Yagami Light. xP
Cautious in a harmless way (as in not over-cautious), think things through properly, be logical, understand the way of the human minds/psychology (like how he dealt with Misa and Takada), be cunning at appropriate times (against your enemies, not teammates), have leadership, voice your opinions openly (honesty), and take the opportunities once you have worked out the possibilities and think you have some percentage of gaining success.
(Wait, who am I to tell you all this? ...Ignore me if you wish.)
Just to make sure you don't end up like Yagami Light, just don't go commit crimes such as mass murder or go pissed off and challenge the best detective in the world.

^^
So then, so long.