Aaah... how much I hate living.
How much I hate life.
Note that the above (s) feelings cannot be properly described into words.
After mentioning to my friend that the reason I "never feel great" was "because I hate life", my friend comments back that "...you're pessimistic" after I failed to find a word to describe myself.
...So I'm pessimistic? *raised eyebrows*
I'd rather think that I'm REALISTIC, THOUGHTFUL, cowardly (quite. aka "not confident"), careful (because I always think of the worse possible outcomes)... among others.
But then again I can't deny the fact that I am quite pessimistic.
...but really, I just have to say that "I hate living", "I hate life", "I want to die" or something along those lines at least once a day otherwise I just don't feel right.
It's like the feeling you get when you just did an exam and you just can't help but say "I'm so going to fail", even though you actually know you won't and that it was pointless to say so despite the fact that it won't change your exam results whatsoever. It just makes you feel better by jinxing yourself in case you really do fail, so then you can tell your friends "hah! I said so" (if you really do fail) or just to make yourself sound modest, or whatever. My point is that it's pointless to say so, yet you say it all the time. :P
...even though you're saying something negative, it makes you feel better, which is weird.
Psychology is weird like that though. ^^
It's just hard for me to explain it in words.
...It's hard for me to explain anything in words these days, actually. *~* Not good... *siiiighh* Then again, I've always been a stupid person despite what everyone around me thinks. ^^ I wonder where they get that idea from... (my pretty good grades and academic awards from the school maybe? ...isn't that only because the school's curriculum is slack??? So you can't actually say that I'm smart. I'm pretty stupid actually, even compared to my friends.) ...
I'm just... good at understanding things! And once you understand something, it's easier to solve a problem concerning that understanding!
But I'm terrible at creating new ideas, finding out a mystery (like solving cases), and stuff like that.
I know someone who's good at both, though. :/
Life.
So complicated and difficult in many different ways.
Like despair.com said,
...It's hard for me to explain anything in words these days, actually. *~* Not good... *siiiighh* Then again, I've always been a stupid person despite what everyone around me thinks. ^^ I wonder where they get that idea from... (my pretty good grades and academic awards from the school maybe? ...isn't that only because the school's curriculum is slack??? So you can't actually say that I'm smart. I'm pretty stupid actually, even compared to my friends.) ...
I'm just... good at understanding things! And once you understand something, it's easier to solve a problem concerning that understanding!
But I'm terrible at creating new ideas, finding out a mystery (like solving cases), and stuff like that.
I know someone who's good at both, though. :/
Life.
So complicated and difficult in many different ways.
Like despair.com said,
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