I'm Slow. Stupidly Slow. Ridiculously, Unbelievably Slow.

Remember this post?

How my friend commented on my story?

I only got annoyed with it now. =="

I welcome criticism, but they make me mad nevertheless.
And I'd still welcome criticism. Yet everytime I read or hear something negative, it would always make me mad in one way or another. But I would push down these feelings (because I know they're totally unreasonable) and reply in a very happy-happy, or if I couldn't force myself to, casual-normal way.

As I re-thought and re-read my story and continue writing, I got friggin' pissed off at my friend. Right now, I've already worn off the feeling, but I was like, "what the hell? Why am I mad? I'm so senseless!" =="

Well, I am unreasonable, out of many other negative traits.
Just to name a few: pessimistic, cynical, senseless, overly non-confidence, lazy...

~
It got me really mad after I finished writing the bit where she said "should happen", as per her suggestions. I think I'm overly-influenced by comments.
I absolutely hate changing what I have already written. And this was not an exception.
That part was a little out of context, and a little... incongruousness. But it was alright literacy-wise generally; the problem was that what happened in the story were against my personal beliefs. ==
I felt so contradicted, making my main character do something against my beliefs and what I actually wanted her to. But I wrote it anyway. Now I have to go along with it. == For god's sake, I hate myself.
...I don't even believe in god. == ...It's not for god's sake, but I still hate myself nevertheless.

BLaaaaaah.
Let's just live on now and I will continue writing from there.

Wait. I can't anymore.
Because the events were changed, what happens afterwards changes too.
And because of that I can't proceed with the story. *grinds teeth* I hate myself a little more.
...*O* Gaaaaaah! Her reaction to everything now has to be reversed because of this new change!
GAAH! This sucks, this sucks, this sucks!!
..Sorry. I was just trying to write the story a few moments ago. ==

...I have two choices.
1. Write while thinking of the reader's enjoyment and just continued writing from now, following the new storyline.
2. Write to my own enjoyment and delete the change then rewrite from then on.
But I don't want to do either. =*=
I'm currently trying to go option 3. Keep the new change, but avert her actions. Make her unsure of this "new change"... but I'd have to change this "new change" because I made her sound certain of what has changed... if she wasn't certain then she wouldn't have the determination or motivation do as her "new change" states.
But at the moment I can't bring myself to make her forceful or determined like all these typical annoying heroines from mangas with same basic plot. == (They annoy sometimes, actually, depending on the circumstances.)

That aside, I think I was mad probably also because my beliefs clashed with my friend's belief/suggestion.
This story is about a girl who goes back to her hometown to see her childhood love interest. But he'd forgotten about her.
She finds out that he'd forgotten about her because his father had died in front of his eyes, and he blamed himself for his father's death, etc. It was all extremely traumatising, so his subconsciousness sorts of made him forgot it?
The main girl thinks that she shouldn't risk his happiness just so that he "may" remember her, while the main guy's big brother disagrees, and says that now that she's back she should try to make him remember her.
But the main girl still disagrees, because it's too risky and she might end up scarring him for EVAAA.

My friend thinks this means that "the main girl doesn't actually love him, since she's trying to make him remember her".

I understand both interpretations, btw. After all, Your Mileage May Vary with almost anything.

What do you think, if you're not my friend? ==

P.S. There are probably lots of mistakes, but I want to put it up now but my mum's urging me to sleep since it's midnight... :P
So I'll come back and edit it later.