I Was Given an Invitation to Hell Earlier Today. Lit: I Was Invited to a Party.

They were planning on wasting money on a limousine to escort them to where ever the hell they’re going. Lit: They’re going to hire a limousine!

The party was to farewell this International Student from Germany that I myself barely knew, who sits with us, and so I don’t effin’ know why they want me to go that freakin’ much. Lit: I didn’t know the girl that well, so maybe I thought it wouldn’t be too good for me to accept, either.

Besides, they’re going to be dressing-up, and the thought of that alone could make me scream in agony. Lit: Since I’ll most probably wear casual clothes, but then I’d stand out… in a bad way.

They were also planning on wasting their time sitting in front of a bunch of moving picture frames. Lit: They were also planning on going to watch a movie.

Now, I’ll stop that, although I quite enjoyed writing the above paragraph. :P

We all were just sitting there one ordinary break. I heard a few squeals next to me and realised that my friends were excited about something. After I listened for a few seconds, I discovered straight away that they were talking about the farewell party for that certain International Student mentioned above.

Then they suddenly turned to me, and inwardly I was sincerely wishing that they wouldn’t even think about inviting me.

E-chan: “Mage-chan, you should come, too!”

Forget the wish. It’s already been proven impossible. == I made a thoughtful face at the group of people.

R-chan: “Yes, you should, you should!”

Me: “…Why should I?” I asked, honestly wanting to hear a reason.

R-chan: “Because! It’ll be fun!!”

I doubt it. And I’m still doubting it right now. How would something like that be fun for someone who hates parties and doesn't like going out!??

E-chan: “I know you probably don’t go out much. But neither do I. Come! It’ll be fun!”

Me: “I don’t go out at all," I corrected her.

E-chan: “Yes, well, you should come!”

Me: "...you'll be going in a limousine?" I said with something that I hoped was a disturbed look.

R-chan: "Yes!" she said... excitedly. "It's on my bucket list! You should add it to your bucket list!"

Me: "..." I don't want to add it to my bucket list! I don't even have a bucket list! Even more important, I have no wish to ride in a freakin' limousine!! "...I don't really want to ride in a limousine. ...And I will not add it to my bucket list."

Etc. etc.

A few hours after that, when I came to rerun the conversation in my mind to blog about it, I began to wonder a little what having fun feels like…

I’m not sure. :/

Hmm… I’m sure I must have had at least done something fun in my life! Sometimes I say that I had fun doing this or doing that, but usually I just use the word without knowing whether it was fun or not, if I’d happened to enjoyed it…

And then my mind floated to the topic of the feeling of happiness. I’m also sure that I’ve felt happy at least once in my life! But I wasn’t sure when that time was… :S

Ehhh well, who cares. It wasn’t like I desperately need to have fun or be happy, anyway. >.>

During that conversation, I seriously felt like crying. …unreasonably, probably. No, actually, it wasn’t “unreasonably”, but more like “exaggeration”. I just don’t know why I’m making such a big deal out of being invited to a party.

I wanted to yell into their faces that I don’t freakin’ want to go, but I held back. I pretended to think about the invitation for their sake, even though I’d planned on rejecting it from the start. …But the more they persisted, the more tempted I was in rejecting them harshly and without a second thought; the more tempted I was to thrash around and yell that I just. don’t. want. to. go.!! 

To yell at the top of my lungs that I DON'T LIKE PARTIES, I BARELY KNOW THE GIRL, I DON'T WANT TO FREAKIN' RIDE IN A LIMOUSINE, I DON'T WANT TO WEAR A DRESS OR WEAR CASUAL CLOTHES AND WALK WITH YOU ALL, I DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH TIME, I DON'T. WANT. TO. GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Which actually SORT OF happened. After they finished their first round of persistent invitations to me and had turned back to discuss the party, I hit myself with a Math textbook (I threw it onto my forehead at 2/3 of my full force). However I didn’t scream out loud...

A friend of mine who was sitting on my right (the party peoples were sitting to my left) saw me (the party peoples were engrossed in their conversation so they didn’t see me, I think… or maybe they just thought it was normal for me to hit myself with a math textbook xP). The second time I was about to do it again that other friend put his hand in between the textbook and my head, which resulted in the textbook never reaching my head. I paused only shortly.

But then I attempted another round, and this time he relocated the book away from my reach. ==” I used another book instead (“To Kill A Mockingbird”, paperback, to be precise), but that was also taken away… in the end I had nothing, and so I used my own fist instead.

He had to half-yell, “Don’t!” to me… [I’m sorry for bothering you, E-kun. T^T]

Which was when I’d stopped, partly because I didn’t want him to bother with anything related to me, and partly because I was too tired to use any more than 1/3 of my strength, and if I have to only use that much, it wouldn’t mean anything anyway…

After that, I turned back to listen to the conversation airily, and they tried to convince me to go, yet again… But I had ran out of energy, and the textbook was too far away for me to use. ><

Even now I still haven’t given them a clear answer, but since they read my blog……… ><